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The PUP List’s Sports Conspiracies: Volume One

conspiracy1I was just sitting around listening to a podcast and watching SportsCenter  (on mute, because Stuart Scott was hosting) and it hit me. Document all the random sports conspiracies and weird stuff that pops into your head, Alex. It was a big moment. It was like in the outro of “Last Call” when Kanye laid down the “Heart of the City” beat for Jay-Z and HOV liked it so much that he pulled his Gucci bucket hat down over his face and was like, “Oooooh.” Actually, no it wasn’t. In reality I heard Jalen Rose say something that inspired me and I was eating a cupcake when it happened.

1. KG purposely amped up the trash talk last night to get in Melo’s head because he knew that he had to do something crazy to win in New York without Rondo. It’s too simple, he definitely did it on purpose. “Yo Melo, La La tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios, son.” Can you imagine someone telling you that your wife tastes like a name brand cereal? I can’t. I’m not sure what it means, but I would definitely be insulted. KG knows that Melo was a hot head in Denver, and he knew that he hasn’t yet outgrown that. Not quite.

2. Ray Lewis announced his retirement solely to inspire the Ravens to get to the Super Bowl, because they weren’t going before he said it. He could still play for at least one more year, but he put all his chips in the Super Bowl or Bust basket. Flacco isn’t elite, but he also doesn’t want to be the one who ends Ray’s career. He literally can’t do that. People will hate him. Everyone loves Ray, even though he killed a man. It’s inexplicable. Anquan Boldin knew that he had to step up to save Ray’s career against Indy, and he did. By the way, Boldin seems like the dude you would  love to have on your team, but hate to play against. He’s the KG of the NFL.

3. Phil Knight promised Chip Kelly some crazy stuff. He was probably like, “Chip, do you like castles?” or “Chip, how do you feel about space travel?” or maybe he went with the pure intimidation factor and said something like “Chip, have you ever been to Cleveland? Are you familiar with the names Brandon Weeden, Colt McCoy, and Thaddeus Lewis?” Regardless, some weird stuff is going down at Oregon and some sanctions will probably ensue.

4. Manti Te’o got scared in the National Championship because he knew that Bama would expose him. He looked awful in that game. He missed seven tackles in that game. He looked like a high schooler against Bama, he really did. Poor guy’s draft stock plummeted like Bieber’s endorsement deals after he got caught smoking reefer. I honestly wouldn’t draft Te’o in the first round. Speaking of endorsement deals, how the hell does Ndamukong Suh still have a deal with Subway? He has been caught being a dirty player on several occasions. He purposefully kicked a man in his genitals on a nationally televised game, on Thanksgiving. But, buy a sandwich.

5. Rudy Gay will be traded soon and it won’t be that big of a deal. Nobody better than the Grizzlies seems to want him right now, but it really seems like Memphis doesn’t want him. He’ll probably end up in Milwaukee, or someplace like that. Which is weird, because he’s good.

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