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Random Sports Predictions: Volume One

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I love making predictions, mostly because you can be wrong 80 percent of the time, but still look like a genius if you guess one cool thing. I’m all about looking cool, so why not?

1. This is Melo’s last season in New York

It just is. What do the Knicks really have to offer? Not much. They have no shot at the title, not to say that Melo ever will, but it obviously won’t work out there. Also, Carmelo is married to LaLa, who is famous for some reason that I’m not aware of. She likes being famous, so L.A. makes sense, even if the Knicks can offer Carmelo about $30 million more than the Lakers can. The term “opportunity cost” comes to mind.

2. The Bengals will lose to the Ravens and Browns back-to-back

I’m from Cincinnati, so I’m all-too-familiar with how quickly things can become Bengally. This weekend’s game at Baltimore is a must-win for the Ravens, and they will do exactly that, win. That Miami loss was the type of game that embodies a season, it was a sign of how this one will turn out. Not only did they lose on an overtime safety, they lost their best defensive player. That’s rough. Cleveland has a bye this week, and could potentially earn a share of the division lead against the Bengals on Nov. 17 if Cincy falls to Baltimore this weekend. Dare I say the Browns will win the AFC North? #JasonCampbellsanity

3. The Broncos won’t be in the Super Bowl

This isn’t extremely bold, but it is a little bold. Why is it just assumed by many that Denver will represent the AFC in the title game? Are we unaware of Peyton’s (shhhhh) playoff history? I hate to go there but, he has a career record of 9-11 with eight first round exits in the playoffs. He also has a ring, but by the definition of anomaly, it was one. And let’s be honest, it’s a terrible sign that John Fox is extremely unhealthy right now. Jack Del Rio is the interim head coach, and we all know where he used to be. Yes, Jacksonville. And on top of that, any team that wrongs Tim Tebow has no shot. That means the Patriots too. As much as it pains me, I have the Colts coming out of the AFC, even if Jim Irsay is the biggest douche-bag on earth.  

4. Alabama will lose to LSU this weekend

I have no facts to back this up. Pure gut instinct. Yes, the same gut instinct that made me draft Doug Martin with my first pick in a fantasy league, but yeah. Noles and Ducks in the big one.

5. Jabari Parker will stay at Duke for two years

Everybody is (maybe irrationally) all over Andrew Wiggins already. He will be great, but he won’t be LeBron. I’m thinking his career will be more like Vince Carter’s. Parker will love Duke and Coach K, and if they don’t win it all this year, he seems like the type of kid who would give it another shot. Plus, if he stays another year, he’ll probably be the number one overall choice. If he can stomach passing up some big bucks for a year, I think it’d be a great decision.

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