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The Property Brothers are Playing in the NBA All Star Celebrity Game and It Will be Painfully Magnificent

Those who know me know that I have irrational hatred for certain things in life. The Property Brothers top that list. If you don’t know who The Property Brothers are, save yourself and click out of this article right now.

The short story is these guys have a TV show about refurbishing homes on TLC or HSN or one of those channels. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two guys try harder to look good/be popular/be funny. Usually these grudges I hold come from a deep rooted sense of jealousy, but I can wholeheartedly say that I simply dislike these two. I can’t trust anyone who obviously puts that much effort into their look and consistently tells the worst jokes ever. They’re like new SportsCenter anchors on HGH. Watch this video below.

Ah bro!!!! Drew drinks the most awful protein shakes ever!!! What a loser!!! Love the comeback though, and the other brother is dead serious about the compliments too. The “sexy grandpa” insult at the end is the type of thing that one guy in the office who wears a Burberry scarf to work would say and you would fake laugh, then clench your fists and battle heartburn on the way back to the desk. Also, can you imagine caring about what your abs look like at the age of 65? That’s in the first chapter of How to be a Narcissist. I’m 23 years old and haven’t seen my abs one time in my life.

I can’t wait to watch these guys in the layup line. I already know exactly how they shoot layups. It’s gonna be great. However, I have to admit that I do realize there’s a small chance these guys might actually be good. If that happens, I will be devastated. They give off the vibes that they might be those type of guys who are just great at everything. I can’t see them making a fatal PR move and signing up for this game if they’re not good at hooping. Damn, I just scared myself, I hadn’t even thought of that until I started writing. I actually wouldn’t even be surprised if one of them could dunk at this point.

Regardless of their skill level, it will be great to see them in a  basketball uniform. I’m going to assume that they will still do their hair, wear no undershirt, wear short shorts and rock some Chuck Taylors. Book it. Let’s go on to video number two.

Oh wow, look the crew didn’t hear him introducing the video! What’s going to happen?!? Bro!! I’m not gonna kiss you!! Gross!! And then they pull the old dog trick, classic!!! He didn’t even see it coming.

I want to hire the PR team that got these guys into this game. That’s some amazing work.

The two coaches of the game will be Kevin Hart and Drake. They will both be coaching because they have proven that they are terrible at actually playing basketball in the past.

The Property Brothers will fittingly be on Drake’s team. That squad will be led by Tracy McGrady, Rick Fox, Steve Nash and Joey Bautista (all of whom could probably play for the 76ers right now). That’s a legendary crew right there, there’s a solid chance Team Drake wins, I just wish the Bros weren’t on T Mac’s team so he could Shawn Bradley them.

Kevin Hart’s team has Chauncey Billups, Mugsy Bogues, Michael B. Jordan and Elena Della Donne. Pretty solid, but whoever put these teams together blew it. Not fair at all. T-Mac could easily go for 70 here, he might be the most underrated player of all time.

Even though all these stars will be in the game, I’m looking forward to watching the Property Brothers the most. What will they do next!?! Probably something hilarious right? Hopefully the entire crowd is stay-at-home moms or else no one other than me will care about these two. Maybe Michael B. Jordan will channel his inner Adonis Creed and haymaker the Bros, now that would be worth the price of admission.

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