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Your Guide to Fake Super Bowl Prop Bets

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It’s that time of year again, the time when we can mortgage our futures on the color of Beyonce’s shoes. Here’s a list of prop bets that might not necessarily be on the board today, but could definitely hit. Enjoy.

O/U 2.5 times Jim Nantz references having a personal relationship with a white player’s family: +350

O/U 5.5 grammatical errors by Phil Simms: -160

O/U 2.5 awkward exchanges between Nantz and Mike Carey: +150

O/U 3.5 types of painkillers Peyton and Thomas Davis are on combined: +200

O/U 4.5 times Papa John has had some form of plastic surgery done: -180

Will someone be subliminally racist toward Ron Rivera?: Yes-450, No +700

Will Ron Rivera not get the respect he deserves because he’s Hispanic?: Yes-300, No+600

Will karma get Peyton once again resulting in a 20+ loss for Denver?: Yes+600, No-800

Will there be some subliminal satanic reference during the halftime show?: Yes-4,000, No+1,800

Will Mike Tolbert score AND rub his belly as a celebration?: Yes+1,200, No-4,500

Will Owen Daniels have his name mentioned more than four times?:  Yes+500, No -200

Will Peyton die on the field?:  Yes+5,000, No-25,000

Will Von Miller or Aqib Talib get a personal foul?: Yes -200, No+400

Will Derek Wolfe try to intentionally injure Cam?: Yes -700, No+1,300

Will Ted Ginn drop a pass?: Yes-300, No+450

Will CJ Anderson start finally running well in the 3rd quarter like always?: Yes+200, No even

Will Nantz and Simms openly root for Peyton and not address it when he throws ducks?: Yes-1,000, No+4,000

Will Draymond Green be at the game with Steph and attempt to steal the spotlight?: Yes-800, No+1,000

Will Peyton’s wife be at the game with HGH in her purse?: Yes-2,000, No+4,000

Did Peyton take HGH?: Yes-120,000, No+1,000,000

Will Jonathan Stewart deserve the MVP, but not get it: Yes+900, No-150

Will America’s racism be extremely evident when Cam and Rivera hold the trophy up together? Yes-2,000, No+8,000

Is it unethical that Nantz and Peyton have the same agent?: Yes-10,000, No+1B

Are John Elway and Pat Bowlen secretly into some really weird stuff?: Yes-400, No+800

Will Blue Ivy be shown wearing headphones?: Yes+500, No-300

Is Future a terrible rapper?: Yes-4,000, No+8,000

Will Lady Gaga be surprisingly normal seeming during the national anthem?: Yes+400, No-150

Will Cam cry tears of joy and Peyton sulk like a little girl at the end of the game?: Yes+200, No-450

Will Nantz reference knowing Luke Kuechly’s mom personally?: Yes-56,000, No+2m

In order to win, will the Panthers have to beat the refs too?: Yes-1,200, No+8,000

 

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