Welcome to March Madness Gut Feeling City
UPDATE: I changed my mind about Oklahoma…They got a niiiii draw
I love gut feelings even though mine are wrong approximately 67 percent of the time. I use my gut feelings all the time, like when I can’t decide what to get for lunch. Sometimes I’ll just hop in my car and literally drive around until something catches my eye. Woah, a Greek restaurant…that’s lunch today. Oh, they have a credit card minimum? Lemme eat this three dollar ATM fee because that’s how right my gut is.
When it comes to sports, my gut feeling is my north star. I don’t do research, I don’t look at trends, I just do it like my boy Cristoforo Colombo did in the good ole days and follow my gut. Sure, he ended up in the Bahamas and thought it was India, but who’s really counting? He called everyone Indians anyway. Love it. I was in love with Otto Porter the year that Dunk City upset Georgetown in the first round. I had G-Town winning it all. Then, just last year I lost my champ in round one yet again. Iowa State fell to UAB in round one as I was driving from New Jersey to Ohio and I’ll admit it was tough to keep driving. I wanted to go sulk at a rest stop and empty a vending machine. Two first round losses for my champ in five years? That’s hard to do. Why not take advice from me?
The last champ I called correctly was Kemba’s UCONN team and I consider that to be my coup de grâce. I was the only one in the bracket pool who correctly called the champ…They were my only correct Elite 8 team and I still won. You can’t do worse and better than that at the same time. Calling Giants over Pats in 2012 is up there, but Kemba was out of this world that year. I will never forget that.
Anyway, if UCONN wins today, I might have to have them going all the way…I mean why not? I really hope Monmouth and UCONN don’t end up on the same side of the bracket because that has title matchup written all over it. Here are a few takeaways from championship week and some gut inklings for the greatest annual competition the world has ever seen.
Bearcats gonna Bearcat, UCONN gonna UCONN
This just felt like when the mom let’s the troubled teen borrow the family car even though he’s not trustworthy. The kid had the car and he was doing great, resisting temptation and simply running errands for school. Then, it got too strong. He had to take it offroad and he crashed it into a creek by the park. You can’t trust the Bearcats with the keys to the car, especially when they’re playing a team with legendarily big nuts. If UCONN wins today, there’s no telling how far they’ll go.
Buddy Hield is awesome but Oklahoma doesn’t have it
That type of thing doesn’t happen to Final Four teams. Bad Gut Feeling City for Oklahoma this year and it hurts me to say it. Also, when’s the last time Oklahoma didn’t choke in a big game in any sport?
Southern is one of my round one upset squads
Saw these guys defeat Jackson State last night and their attitude is exactly what I like to see out of a small conference champ. If these guys get matched up against some scared little pampered team like Villanova, watch out world. I will always root for the team wearing Russell Brand (not the actor) uniforms to beat the team decked out in sweet Nike gear. These guys aren’t scared of anything, let alone a ‘Nova team that gets frightened by their own farts.
Buffalo is a Sweet 16 team
First of all, any team that can humble the almighty Ohio Bobcats can do anything. Second of all, this team has so much heart and Buffalo-ness I can’t bet against em. They’re a sweet sixteen team and I challenge anyone that disagrees to an eating competition. #MACtion #MACtion #MACtion #MACtion #MACtion
Kansas is for real this year, not fake for real like most years
I’ve never been a pick-Kansas-to-win-it-all guy and I won’t be this year either, but they probably will do it. Something about Bill Self makes me incapable of rooting for them. He kinda seems like the type of guy that would expect you to clean up his plate if he came over to your house for dinner.
North Carolina is nasty
Nasty boys…naaaasty boys. They might be my pick to win it all, they have the smarts and the athleticism this year. It also seems like Roy Williams needs to win this year or he might die. He wants it so bad. Can’t bet against a guy who routinely faints on the sideline. Also, he made it into my HOF when he put Doug Gottlieb’s head in the toilet earlier in the year.
Roy ABSOLUTELY TARNISHED GOTTLIEB’S FAMILY LINEAGE. Doug can’t even walk around in any building that is even slightly related to basketball activities without everyone knowing he can’t even put his shorts on right now. I also love Roy sticking up for the ethics of journalism. Here’s your cream colored jacket Roy, welcome to the Hall.
IT’S A NORTHERN IOWA YEAR AND YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED
Any team that gets that kind of bounce to go dancing is a team of destiny. Oh yeah, these guys beat North Carolina earlier in the year too. Even weirder than that is that UNC actually traveled to Iowa for the game. That’s great, more DAP for Roy. Also, if the first thing you think about when you hear the words “Northern Iowa” isn’t Ali Farokhmanesh then there’s the door. The second greatest Ali ever behind Cassius Clay.
Xavier fell victim to the Hypetrain
I am an ardent and lifelong XU hater, but objectively speaking, look what happens when teams from Cincy start getting hyped up. Bilas says they can go to the final four, they beat ‘Nova, might be on the road to being #1 and then BOOM, Seton Hall rains on the parade. And then DOUBLE BOOM, Seton Hall comes back and slashes the tires on the Hypetrain in the Big East Tourney (pretend trains have tires). XU got humbled and it’s over…Sweet 16 max this year. And yes, it’s sad that a bad season for XU now is a Sweet 16 berth.
Literally anything could happen this year
I hope this is the first year that the Final Four is comprised of all double-digit seeded teams. You can’t say that’s completely impossible, and that’s why I love March. It’s when the average becomes the extraordinary…like Ryan Fitzpatrick for 96 percent of a season.