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Draymond Green is Skyrocketing up the Hate-ability Charts: Here’s Why

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By: Alex Marcheschi

The line between being cool and being an aggressive douche is becoming thinner and thinner in the age of social media. I’ve felt myself toeing that line before. I even deleted my Twitter entirely about two years ago because I felt as though I had become a douche. I went about eight months with no Twitter, but I felt my soul begging for it. I love Twitter, I went to journalism school because I love writing and sports and I wanted to figure out a way to make a living by combining those two things. Still hasn’t happened, but #ClearEyesFullVocabsCantLose.

Anyway, back to that ever-tricky line. If one can sense the line between cool and aggressive douche, all of life’s possibilities will be unlocked. To make this concept more clear, I will provide some examples.

The Monmouth Bench is Cool

The Monmouth Bench is cool because they are good at what they do, they are self-aware, they know their role on the team and they are legitimately funny. I also think they actually helped the team win, because other teams got rattled by them and it energized the actual good players on the team. People like Mike Wilbon who got offended by them can pound salt. I loved them from the start, but I gained even more respect for them when I saw them continue to celebrate in the round one NIT game. The Monmouth Bench is true, the Monmouth Bench is right, the Monmouth Bench is just, the Monmouth Bench is cool.

Marshall Henderson is The Line

For me, Marshall Henderson is like high school level algebra, and by that I mean he confuses the shit out of me, but at the end of the day I kind of get it. I still can’t really tell if I loved him or hated him, but I think I loved him and here’s why: I think it was all genuine. For those who don’t know, Marshall Henderson was like a super-ghetto Davidson Steph Curry. Henderson was so damn good at basketball but he was too passionate for the average fan. People got offended because they couldn’t comprehend how bad he wanted to win. If you watch the video above you can pretty much get the sense of what he was. Fans in the SEC couldn’t wrap their brains around him because he was white, but he was torching them and taunting their faces. He cursed at fans, gave ’em the bird and did the jersey-pop thing very aggressively. He also had drug issues and everyone (including Erin Andrews) got on their high-horses to put him down.

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A few years after Erin pooped on Marshall, her NHL boyfriend caught a felony drug charge for trying to smuggle cocaine into a pool party. Egg on your face, Erin. Egg all over your face. And this is when I knew I loved Henderson. He taught us all not to throw stones when you live in a glass house. To me, Henderson is the line. I love him, but I can completely understand hating him.

Draymond Green is the Aggressive Douche

Draymond Green is very good at basketball. He also perfectly fits into one of the greatest basketball rosters of all time and came into the league at the perfect time. He is the prototype for the small-ball 4 position. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants on the court because defenses are scared to death of Steph and Klay. He’s also really good at defense. He’s EXTREMELY lucky to be in the situation he’s in, but I never hear him mention it. Green is the type of player I would typically like. If I only watched basketball and didn’t follow it on Twitter like a degenerate, I would probably like him. But there are quotes and videos all over that make me hate him. He’s not genuine like Henderson. He’s forcing it so hard and it’s uncomfortable. He’s in the Russell Wilson, JJ Watt, Terrell Suggs realm of being a fake attention whore.

Hey, Draymond, ever heard of this Kanye song? Also, the Cavs took you to six games in The Finals without Kyrie AND K-Love so I’d tone it down a little. They don’t suck. In reality this is the single video that bothers me most about Draymond. I’m all for getting hammered and celebrating a ring, but it just pisses me off that they beat the Clippers without CP3 and the Cavs without two of their three best players, yet no one ever mentions it. Nope, they’re the greatest thing ever. I genuinely believe that the Spurs or Cavs will humble them this year, and it was great to see what San Antonio did the other night. There are a trillion other things I could post, but this year-old tweet to Xavier’s Myles Davis sent me over the edge. My younger brother unearthed this today and I didn’t even know about it.

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You can be an arrogant douche all you want, but once you start dead-seriously insulting people’s deficiencies, you’re a certified douche in my book. Green wasn’t even kidding at all here, when he fires back with the “U look 50 Dawg” line, that’s when he entered the douche zone. Classic bully move, making fun of someone with a lesser status from afar. Also, another thing I don’t understand is how these guys with a ton of followers brutally misspell words in a tweet. Like, do a quick glance over it, that’s all it takes. This was the perfect litmus test because I actually hate Xavier too. If I can get offended by someone insulting a player from a school I hate, that’s the ticket. Welcome to the Pitino Realm, Draymond.

The Help Us, Save Us, Floop is a Mad Man Zone

When I saw this scene as a child, I actually thought I accidentally dropped acid. I had no idea what was going on. This space is reserved for people who boggle my mind more than Henderson does. This is where Grayson Allen, Odell Beckham Jr. and Bryce Harper live. When it boils down to it, I can’t tell if they are being genuine or if it’s all an act. I like to pride myself on having a pretty strong BS detector, but I just don’t have it with these guys. I actually didn’t really like ODB until he started going at Josh Norman. Allen is an absolute beast on the court and he’s kind of Henderson-y. If he had an Ole Miss jersey and not a Duke jersey on, I might like him. And Bryce Harper is just a living, breathing jigsaw puzzle…is he even human?

I hope this helps. My friends tend to get very annoyed with my sports takes, but I promise they’re all genuine. This was a glimpse into my medulla oblongata, take it for what it is.

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