Here’s a List of Things that Laremy Tunsil Could Have Done that Would Concern me more than Gas-Masking some Weed to the Face
By now we’ve all seen the video of Laremy Tunsil taking a gas mask bong rip, it was tweeted right before the draft and he fell a few spots because of it. It concerns me, because anytime you’re “doing weed” with anything bigger than a joint, blunt or small glass-piece, it typically means you’re #DownForWhatever, to steal a catch phrase from the wonderfully delicious, hoppy Bud Light. So, it’s a little concerning, but not too concerning.
Anyway, this whole incident got me thinking…what could Tunsil have done that would concern me more than the gas mask bong rip? Because like 75% of the players in the NFL smoke weed. It’s also not like the NFL heavily advertises for many other “depressants,” if you catch my drift. Also, the NFL doesn’t have a painkiller problem at all….nope. So, here we go, to steal another catch phrase from the great, totally satisfying and safe beer that is Bud Light.
If Laremy Tunsil tweeted that he was a Taylor Swift fan it’d be worse
In my opinion, if Tunsil tweeted out that he was a huge T-Swift fan, it would concern me more than the gas mask video. Think about it, if he tweeted out that he was bumping the Red album 15 minutes before the draft started, that would be a red flag. I’ll take a guy who smokes weed over a guy who listens to Taylor Swift any day.
If Laremy Tunsil had neck tats it’d be worse
Not a big neck tat guy, for some reason it just scares me. Nobody on earth is scarier than either of the Birdmans. Don’t care if they’re both actually good guys, if I see either of them in a bar I’m leaving right away.
If Laremy Tunsil wore Under Armour basketball shoes it’d be worse
Pickup basketball rule number one: If you see someone wearing Under Armour basketball shoes nowadays, you can’t trust him. Only Steph Curry fans wear Under Armour now, and there is no bigger bandwagon fan on earth than the Steph Curry ride or die guy. Under Armour basketball is absolutely gross and the fact that the University of Cincinnati basketball team wears Under Armour gear bothers me.
If Laremy Tunsil drove a Civic with a spoiler it’d be worse
Can’t trust a Civic spoiler guy, simply can’t.
If Laremy Tunsil was a big Hunger Games guy it’d be worse
Can’t trust a male Hunger Games guy over the age of 19. Simply don’t want that guy on my team, I’d much rather draft a guy who smokes weed through a gas mask.
If Laremy Tunsil simply refused to listen to hip hop it’d be worse
One of my firmly held beliefs is that if you know a guy who refuses to listen to hip hop under any circumstance, he’s secretly a huge racist. Can’t confirm this.
If Laremy Tunsil claimed that oatmeal tasted good it’d be worse
I absolutely hate people who tell me this with a straight face. There is NO CHANCE oatmeal tastes good. 100% would rather have a weed guy than an oatmeal guy.