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Questions that Definitely Matter a Lot: Are eSports Really Sports? And a Few Others

pup esports

This will be a hot button topic among very important sports journalists for the next few years: Are eSports (competitive video games) really sports? You will tune into ESPN 2 on some random Tuesday morning in August and Skip Bayless’ replacement (probably Blair Walsh) will be arguing that eSports are just as much of a sport as football is. This conversation is already happening a lot, and I don’t really understand it. Are eBooks really books? Are long distance relationships really relationships? Is my RollerCoaster Tycoon Park really an amusement park? Is that Nigerian prince that I just Venmo’d 600 bucks really a prince?

The answer is yes. Or it could be no. It could even be “I don’t know.” But, the fact is that there is big money behind eSports and that’s all that really matters in the mind of ESPN and the like. They’ll make it a “sport” if they want to. There was a period of time when I was living at home and my mom took away video games, my brothers and I started flipping quarters into cups and we called it a sport. Sometimes I like to eat my toast in the morning while simultaneously regretting that I made toast for the 18th straight morning and I like to call that a sport. Who’s to say I can’t do that? In order to pay homage to the “Are eSports really sports?” argument, I would like to pose a few similar questions below.

Are E-Cigs really cigarettes? 

In my mind, E-Cigs aren’t really cigarettes. The whole point of smoking cigs is to let everyone around you know that you don’t care if you die. And it looks cool…there’s just no denying that. I would venture to guess that 92% of people who believe that eSports are real sports also smoke E-Cigs. E-Cigs are the flag football of smoking. Either risk it for the biscuit or don’t do it at all. Unless it comes out that E-Cigs are actually worse than real cigs (one of my theories)…then Esports are definitely real sports and E-cigs are cool.

Was Creed really a Rocky movie? 

I love Rocky movies, and I really liked Creed. But, I could totally see how someone would think it sucked. To be transparent, I’ve never not liked a boxing movie. The Fighter was awesome, Southpaw was awesome, Creed was awesome and Sherlock Holmes with Bobby Downey was awesome. But Creed was not a Rocky movie, it was just a boxing movie that Sly happened to be in.

Was Ronnie Brown really a running back? 

Ronnie Brown, the man who perfected the Wildcat offense, was a great football player. Was he a running back? Was he a QB? Was he a punter? Was he a fullback? Yes.

Is Beyonce really a role model?

Can you really empower women if you make an album about how your husband cheated on you, release that album on your husband’s music streaming service, stay with him for the money and fame, make millions and then allow your husband to make a response album that will also make a lot of money? She’s a very strong woman. I used to think there’d be nothing that would make me dislike Jay-Z but all this #Lemonade stuff has me feeling sour.

Is Jim Boeheim really a great basketball coach? 

Boeheim has one ring and that’s because Melo decided to go to college for some strange reason. He’s also a documented cheater. Just facts.

Do you have any other hot takes on the subject? Tweet me @alexmarcheschi or respond to this on Facebook.

 

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