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PSA: Just Because The Ohio Senate Passed a Medical Marijuana Bill Doesn’t Mean You Can Chief


By: JerryAnytime

Cincinnati EnquirerOhio Senate approved medical marijuana for Ohioans by a razor-thin margin.

By a margin of just three votes, senators approved legalizing medical marijuana while still prohibiting smoking and growing marijuana at home. The extremely close vote showed how divided Ohio lawmakers remain on marijuana, even for medical purposes. But in the end, a majority wanted control over the medical marijuana operation – not a group pushing a constitutional amendment. House lawmakers need to approve the changes.

If Gov. John Kasich signs the bill, Ohio would become the 25th state to legalize medical marijuana. Kasich hasn’t said whether he’ll support this plan but has expressed interest in doing something on medical marijuana, especially for children suffering from epilepsy.

What’s in the medical marijuana legalization plan?

Legal medical marijuana for people with these conditions: AIDS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, cancer, chronic traumatic encephalopathy, Crohn’s disease, epilepsy or another seizure disorder, glaucoma, hepatitis C, inflammatory bowel disease, multiple sclerosis, pain that is chronic, severe, or intractable, Parkinson’s disease, positive status for HIV, posttraumatic stress disorder, sickle cell anemia, spinal cord disease or injury, Tourette’s syndrome, traumatic brain injury, and ulcerative colitis.

Adults could buy and use oil, tinctures, plant material, edibles and patches with a doctor’s recommendation. Parents could purchase these products for their children younger than 18 with a doctor’s referral

What’s not in the plan?

Smoking medical marijuana

Growing medical marijuana at home

Protections for employees fired from their jobs because they used medical marijuana

Talk about going from 100 to 0 real quick. This story was basically the equivalent of winning the Powerball, only to step outside your house and immediately getting struck by lightning.

You know how in commercials that are advertising for medications you have a guy rattling off the super shitty side effects as fast as he can? That’s what this bill just did to all of us. You want to be able to smoke medicinal marijuana in Ohio? All right, no big deal, just contract AIDS real quick and you’re good to go. Luckily for me, at my last eye appointment, the doctor told me that I showed early signs of glaucoma. She was telling me all the terrible things about it, but I was too busy thinking about diving into piles of Afghan Kush and Purple Urkel.

Honestly, what even is the point of this bill? You can’t smoke the pot. You have to either eat edibles, use patches, or cook with weed oil. Obviously some of the people who wrote/voted on this bill have never had an edible before. That shit is entirely more dangerous than hitting a bong in your living room. I was blessed with the opportunity to spend time in Denver, Colorado, last summer, and let me tell you, edibles are no joke. The first time I ate an edible from a dispensary in Colorado, I didn’t think it was working properly, so I ate another one. HUGE rookie mistake. 30 minutes later I was contemplating the existence of God, and was trying to figure out where the closest In’N’Out Burger was (which was in Vegas, about 1,500 miles away and I was dead serious trying to convince my roommate to drive us there).

Gotta be the worst bill of all time, right? It says right in the fine print that you can still get fired from your job if you use medical marijuana. But in all seriousness, this bill will probably help a lot of people who have painful diseases that affect their daily life, and that’s pretty awesome if you ask me.


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