BREAKING NEWS: “Trustworthy Guy” Joins The PUP List as Advice Columnist
*Since we’ve already swan-dived into some pretty touchy subjects (gorilla murders, NBA fixes, strange liquor store habits, mom jokes, cannabis references), we decided that we need an in-house advice guy. Trustworthy Guy was the first person that came to mind. He has requested to remain anonymous, but we have included a tiny picture of who he actually is below (spoiler alert: he’s a pro athlete). Trustworthy Guy has a shitload of life experience and his morals are A+. He will keep us in check and give advice to our readers in his weekly advice columns. You can email him at email@example.com for advice on literally anything.
By: Trustworthy Guy
First, let me start off by saying that I am better than everyone reading this article, I just am. Second, I’m just kidding that was a joke and by now most of you already hate me, mission accomplished.
Every day, I will be dropping wisdom with the hopes of changing readers lives on a large scale. You know, basic shit. So as we begin this journey together, I want you to ask yourself one question: What part of my life could use the most improvement? And what am I currently doing to improve in that area? I guess that’s technically two questions, but I’m the one getting paid $45 an hour to do this, so I make the rules.
Now, I’m not talking about some stupid shit. For example, if you’re fat and your answer to that question is “I’m fat, and I’m not doing anything to improve that area of my life,” then my advice is simple: don’t be fat anymore, and try giving a fuck about your life. The good Lord gave us one vehicle to navigate this life with, so change the oil frequently, and don’t be afraid to wax that bad bitch a couple times a year, capiche?
No, what I’m alluding to here is low key deep as fuck my friends. What do you genuinely hate about yourself? And what the fuck are you doing to fix it? (Two questions again, gotta pay the bills). The Trustworthy Guy blog is intended to be used as a tool to improve your life, so send in your thoughts and concerns to the email below, and we will address them together. Chances are I won’t be able to help you, just being honest. But fuck it, worth a shot right? Right. That was a rhetorical question.
Now don’t be deceived, I am nowhere near perfect, but as I said earlier, I can pretty much guarantee that I’m better than you. Just kidding again, but for real.
I’ll leave you with one simple thought. Be INTENTIONAL in everything that you do, and if what you do makes sense to you, then do that shit, and do it up right. Anyone whose not on the same page can read another book (just no mom pornos like 50 Shades).
Stay strong my friends, and remember, I’m a Trustworthy Guy.
**send your situation to the Trustworthy Guy at firstname.lastname@example.org for a comprehensive, low budget, bull shit – garbage ass, free evaluation**