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Andy Dalton Drives Away with Gas Pump Still in Car, Still Not Worst Bengals Driving Blunder Ever

By: Alex Marcheschi

The tweet above is a real tweet from today. That actually happened. On top of that, in February, Andy tweeted that his luggage fell out of his truck on the highway.

This is the type of shit that just happens to gingers. I myself am a ginger and I swear the universe hates our race. Just this past weekend I forgot to put sunscreen on literally one sliver of my arm and it got ROASTED. It legit looked like a strange red tattoo.

I feel so bad for Andy right now because, as a ginger, the limelight is always a little brighter on him. And we do very poorly under strong UV rays. When you’re a ginger, nobody expects you to be able to do cool shit, that’s why it hurts me so bad when Andy struggles. And when you goof up as a ginger, the insults get turned up a little hotter because the jokes are too easy. I can’t blame the bullies, I bet it’s fun.

What the general public doesn’t know is that Andy Dalton is carrying the weight of an entire race, the gingers, on his back. He’s the Jackie Robinson of ginger QBs, there’s never truly been a good ginger QB until now and people take every chance they get to cut him down. That’s why he gets so nervous before big games, because he knows the reputation of an entire race depends on how he plays.

In order to defend my boy, we made this meme:

andy meme water.jpg

Also, it’s just unfair for Andy to have to deal with being both a ginger AND a Bengal. Can it get any unluckier than that?

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