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JerryAnytime is Officially Calling It: We Have An Alligator Epidemic Sweeping The Nation

gator inde

Pic of the most recent gator incident via Independent.co.uk

*Editor’s note: Jerry wrote this on June 8 and this –> Deputies: Child dragged into water by gator near Disney’s Grand Floridian – broke today. We’re not happy it happened by any means, but Jerry’s spidey senses were tingling hardcore here. 

By: JerryAnytime

Independent —  A large alligator with a dead human body in its jaws was found roaming around an old people’s home in Florida.

Lakeland Police department received an emergency 911 call from a resident of an assisted living community after someone spotted the reptile – estimated to be between eight and 10 feet long – with an adult man in its mouth. Police officers sent to the scene later said the man had been dead for more than a day – but that is was unclear how he died, or if the alligator had killed him.

Sergeant Gary Gross from Lakeland Police told WLFA: “The officers got here and the alligator still had the person. He let the individual go, he is deceased, looks like this person may have been dead more than a day “We don’t want to speculate but I will tell you that when the officer got here the alligator did a roll and had the person in contact with him.The officers immediately got their firearms out in case the gator comes up. Once he left they didn’t want him coming back and pull the body back out, that did not happen.” After the alligator released the body, police were able to pull the body from the water.

Sgt Gross said Florida Fish and Wildlife Officers along with “gator trapper” Scott Barbon were searching the lake for the reptile predator. He added: “The main thing now is if they trap the gator to try to figure out if they can do a test on that gator and see if there’s any human parts in that gator’s stomach.” Lakeland Police are investigating the man’s identity but have not released any other details.

I can’t help but think this is the same son of a bitch alligator that took Chubb Peterson’s hand.

gilmore

Problem is the gator wasn’t satisfied with just a hand and decided to up the ante and eat an entire full person. But all jokes aside, what in the entire fuck is going on with alligators in Florida right now? Just last week we had that ungodly sized dinosaur alligator roaming a golf course and now we have gators roving retirement homes just snatching old people up and eating them? Seems like Nana and Grandpops can’t even eat lemon pudding and watch the Price Is Right without worrying about an alligator invasion.

But that’s not all, a few weeks before the golf course gator, we had a 780 pound beast caught on a farm.

big ass gator.jpg

Honestly, wtf

This is the shit of my nightmares. I really hope all of these pictures/videos are fake. A lot of these articles are being reporting by a website that ends with co.uk instead of .com, which is a British or European website. How the hell is a British website breaking news on a gator homicide in Florida? I may just force myself to believe they all are fake, that’s a lot easier than believing old people are getting eaten by Jurassic Park alligators.

Either way, I’m 100% out on Florida. I mean that in earnest too, like I’m seriously never going to Florida again. That ship has officially sailed.

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