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Woman Dies In Fatal Beach Umbrella Incident On Her Birthday

By: JerryAnytime

Fox NewsA woman celebrating her 55th birthday at Virginia Beach died Wednesday after she was impaled by a windblown beach umbrella, police told FoxNews.com.

Virginia Beach police said the umbrella was anchored in the sand when a strong gust of wind carried it, hitting the 55-year-old woman from the town of Chester. WKTR.com identified the woman as Lottie Belk.

Emergency crews responded after receiving a 911 call at about 5 p.m. regarding a woman in cardiac arrest. The woman was impaled in the torso, Tonya Pierce, the police spokeswoman, said.

When medics arrived, they found the woman with a life-threatening injury. The woman was taken to a hospital, where she died.

One witness told WKTR.com that the gusting winds during the incident were reminiscent of the tornado scene in “The Wizard of Oz.”

Obviously I shouldn’t make fun of this woman since the incident was fatal, but it’s Friday and I’m feeling risqué so I’m going to anyways. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. Classic woman vs. umbrella scenario we got here.

There are only a few worse ways to die. For real, if you’re going to die in a bizarre incident, you want to get a piano dropped on your head or possibly get hit by a bus. Go out with a bang. Getting fucked up by a beach umbrella isn’t my dream death scenario. What the hell are her friends going to say about her at the funeral? You could have a lifetime full of accomplishments, but if you died via beach umbrella that’s a sore spot on your record.

This isn’t the 1960’s anymore, you can’t leave your backdoor unlocked and have to be alert to danger at all times. Yes, that means being on high alert even at the beach, just in case a rogue umbrella from the clouds impales you in the torso. The saddest part of this story is it was her 55th birthday. Imagine making it through 55 years of life, cheating death on a daily basis, only to have it all come crashing down because someone didn’t fasten an umbrella in tight enough after a few appletinis. Worst birthday present ever.

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