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Ayesha Curry is the Social Media Girl We All Hate

By: Alex Marcheschi

We all know a girl who loves her boyfriend just a little too much. She’s the girl who posts a two minute long snapchat story about a trip to the aquarium. She’s the girl who still posts weekly albums on Facebook with the title “Summer, pt. 1: Our beginning.” She’s the girl who posts candid photos of her boyfriend doing the dishes on Instagram with a filter and solely emojis as the caption. She’s Ayesha Curry.

ayesha curry.jpg

Ayesha Curry

Look, I know the Cavs are getting their asses kicked…I know. BUT, that still doesn’t take away the fact that Steph released the literal worst basketball shoes of all time. Not even joking, they are the worst pair of athlete-sponsored shoes that I have ever seen (I am a predisposed Under Armour shoes hater, to be transparent). His shoes are below, they’ve been getting roasted on Twitter for about a week now…they’re so bad that he had to draw a fire emoji on them just to feel comfortable wearing them. Classic defense mechanism.

Pretty much everyone alive has made fun of them, so I’ll stop now. The real story is how annoying Ayesha is. This was her response to the tweet above.

Now, of course it’s fine for her to say that she loves her husband. But then she went on to subtweet LeBron:

Not her place to talk, if it involved Steph obviously it would be fine. But it doesn’t. Classic girlfriend/wife trying to be one of the boys. (See incident below). I guarantee everyone in the Warriors locker room secretly hates Ayesha. p.s. I commend LeBron here, it would have been hard for me to resist curb-stomping Dray in this scenario.

If these were her only two annoying tweets, I wouldn’t care. But, I’m just so damn tired of being force-fed Ayesha Curry stuff on TV and the internet. I really don’t get it…she’s Steph Curry’s wife, she’s attractive and she loves to cook…does that really make her a demigod?

WTF is that above? How far have we sunk as a society? The tweet below is what launched her into internet stardom:

Honestly, if you have to tweet about how classy you are, are you even classy at all?

Hey every girl alive, Ayesha Curry wants to let you know that she’s attractive enough to keep “the good stuff” covered up for the one who matters. Ayesha wants you to know that if you post a bikini pic, you’re a degenerate in her book. Sorry, keep it covered for the one who matters, that’s what Ayesha Curry does and she makes the rules now.

The weird thing is that I agree with her statement, it’s just the balls behind actually tweeting it that gets me. Humble brag of the century. “Not only am I married to one of the best basketball players ever, not only is my family #goals, but I’m waaaay classier than everyone else.” That tweet accomplishes the same thing that the conversational female atomic bomb that is “she needs to eat a cheeseburger” accomplishes. It’s laced with jealousy. There was more malice behind that Ayesha Curry tweet than there was in the Palace on Novemeber 19, 2004.

Look, I know I’m shitting on someone’s wife right now, I do. But I just can’t take it anymore. I feel like Squints from The Sandlot, except it’s not the oiling and lotioning that gets me, and I’m not attracted at all. Ayesha Curry’s social media habits are going to kill me…I can’t take it anymore.

I can’t have her subtweeting LeBron and trying to be one of the boys. I really can’t. If the Warriors win tonight and she shits on the Cavs, I’ll have a breakdown. I have no idea who the girl is who tweeted the tweet below, but all I can say is “slay girl, slay.”

Ayesha is lowkey messsy, that’s the whole point of this blog post. All I had to do was Twitter search “Ayesha Curry” to find someone who shared my opinion. That came up first…too easy. RIP In Peace Ayesha Curry, all of us real people hate you.

#likegowriteaglutenfreecookbookorsumn

p.s. I had to really dig deep to keep Riley out of this

UPDATE:

SHE JUMPED THE SHARK!!!!!

aeysha.png

 

 

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