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I Stand With The Average Mom Who Casually Drop Kicked a Cake In a Kroger’s


By: JerryAnytime

WXYZ — Bloomfield Township police are investigating after a woman allegedly drop kicked a boy’s birthday cake at the Kroger store last weekend.

According to police, the woman went to the bakery section of the Kroger on Telegraph to pick up a special “Superman V. Batman” birthday cake.

Police say the woman was not satisfied with the cake, and went back behind the bakery counter to fix it herself. When employees told the woman she couldn’t be back there, she became upset.

That’s when she took the cake to the front of the store and “proceeded to ‘drop kick’ it.” Police say pieces of cake were then everywhere in the bakery store.

As the woman left, she also kicked over a wet floor sign.

Officers spoke with the woman, who told police she was upset about the poor quality of the decoration. She said she went behind the counter because employees told her she could, and denied kicking the cake, saying it fell out of her hand.

A witness told police she threw the cake to the ground, stepped on it several times and yelled, “They f***ing ruined my seven-year-old’s birthday cake!”

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I’ll write about anything that happens in a Kroger because I once worked in one. I’ve talked about how I’ve worked shitty jobs in the past and unfortunately working in a Kroger bakery was one of them. It was BY FAR the worst job I’ve ever held. I worked there for six months and if I would have had to be there 1 day longer I would have dropped kicked 60 cakes and shit on the floor in every aisle. Only upside was I ate about a million cookies in that 6 month period and even that had a downside because I got fat.

I have a few vivid memories from my time as a part-time baker and they all include people asking me to write something on a cake. My actual hand-writing is barely legible, so imagine me trying to trying to write “Happy 19thBirthday LiQuita” on a fucking cake in cursive. All that training to learn cursive in 2nd grade failed me just as hard as the DARE program.

With that being said, I absolutely love this move. Nothing tells a minimum wage worker to go fuck themselves more than taking a $20 birthday cake and punting it straight to the moon. Some may consider that brash and inconsiderate; I think it’s the appropriate reaction. The mom can either drop kick the cake herself or the 7 year old at home who wanted a Batman vs Superman cake will do it himself because when you’re 7 years old cake is god damn important. I’ll tell you right now if I would have been given the opportunity to see this I would have joined in. Woman would’ve punted the cake and I would’ve sprinted from the back of the store to Kevin Huber the shit out of a chocolate raspberry pound cake with her.

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