Skip to content

We Could All Learn Something From This Middle School Relationship Contract

By: JerryAnytime

The StarPuppy love has never had so much bite — or this many provisions.

“You can’t hug these hoes,” reads an apparent relationship contractbetween two 8th graders that went viral online earlier this month.

Twitter user @maxlinsky posted the photo June 10, writing that the paper was found on the floor after class in a middle school. Oh, and “(He signed it).”

Though the nine-clause contract may sound extreme — “You can’t break up with me I break up with you” — some relationship experts say there’s actually a lot that adult couples can glean from the Grade 8 legalese in the young lovers’ contract: lessons about respect, communication, finances, conflict, intimacy and infidelity.

“I think it’s actually super smart. This is a confident little girl who knows exactly what she wants and wants to protect herself,” says Toronto psychologist and relationship expert Nicole McCance, who hasn’t worked with any of her clients on a contract quite like this. She does know couples who have written more generalized “relationship visions”, in which they agree on mutual goals for the relationship with phrases like “We commit to being flexible and compromising.”

Written or not, communication about what each person expects from the other is key in any relationship, agrees Toronto couples counsellor Kimberly Moffit.

“People aren’t mind readers, we’re not psychics, we’re not magicians,” she says. “The most successful couples set clear guidelines and expectations.

This contract is easy to point and laugh at, but I feel like we should take a step back and realize how legitimate most of these clauses are, no matter how old you are. At the ripe old age of 24, I’m pretty sure if I get a girlfriend I’m required to follow all of these rules, strictly. I do doubt this fictional girlfriend I’m talking about would want me making eye contact with this hoes, let alone fist bumping them. Having a girlfriend takes fucking work, man. You have to shower them with attention, buy them food, take them out on dates, and guess what? You don’t even get to hug these hoes. You gotta put the hoe hugging in your past and move on as a changed man.

I’m getting to the age where people are getting married every other week. I respect it, but let me just say, I sure as hell do not understand it. I’m out here in the streets, week in and week out, getting McDonalds with my Uber drivers and spilling Vegas bombs on my flip flops and people are devoting their lives to another person. It’s perplexing to me, but maybe that’s because I haven’t mentally aged as a person since I turned 19 years old.

Either way, huge shouts to this girl. This relationship is intense for the 8thgrade. In 8th grade I was rollerblading and afraid to talk to anyone with boobs, and this chick is flat out writing contracts similar to that of a Harvard lawyer. Real recognize real.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: