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There’s An Easy Solution to Get The Bengals Over The Hump: Sign Tebow

Tim Tebow

New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow (15) joins in prayer with fellow players after an NFL preseason football game against the Cincinnati Bengals, Friday, Aug. 10, 2012, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Tom Uhlman)

By: Alex Marcheschi

Last week Tebow actually saved someone’s life by praying over them. That’s a real story, read it above. Facts only.

This might be crazy, but after I saw that, I thought to myself: “Ok, there’s gotta be an NFL team out there willing to sign this guy. What can’t he do?” He did win a playoff game for Denver, and he could easily come in and shake things up like once or twice a game. Maybe bust out a 20 yard run, who knows? For God’s sake he just brought a man back to life, I think he could pick up a first down.

So, here’s my plan: the Bengals need to sign Tebow and call him “Team Chemistry Captain.” All he has to do is be present at practice to give Andy a nice dose of confidence after he tosses three straight picks right into Pacman’s bread basket.

I’m dead serious, the guy would be great for team morale and the media circus wouldn’t be nearly as strong as it was years ago.

When Whitworth wants to murder Burfict for lighting people up in 7 on 7s, Tebow can be there to settle the beef. After Andy sails one over AJ’s head for what would’ve been a sure-fire TD – Tebow is there, right in AJ’s ear, promising it will be there next time.

You know what, let’s just fire Marvin like we should have four years ago and make Tebow head coach. I think we would advance further in the playoffs if we had Tebow as our head coach instead of Marvin. Tebow’s motivation skills are second-to-none, while Marvin’s rival that of a mall cop.

Watch the first 15 seconds of the video below and tell me you wouldn’t jump into Harambe’s pen and save both the child and Harambe himself after a speech like that. “BIG NUTS. RIGHT. HERE.” Now look at Marvin…that guy just straight sucks.

marvin.jpg

The Bengals are like the Cavs, all they need is a steady dose of optimism to succeed. We have all the talent you could possibly need, but we get rattled SO easily. The latest loss to the Steelers requires some drastic measures, some may even say some miracles, to save team morale. The choker reputation is strong now. We need someone dynamic, we need Tim Tebow.

So, here’s my letter to Mike Brown. Go ahead and air-sign it if you agree.

Dear Mike Brown, 

This is me pleading you to please, at the very least, sign Tim Tebow as third-string QB/Team Chemistry Captain. If the spirit moves you enough, fire Marvin and make Tebow head coach. There’s still time, and you really blew it by letting Hue walk to a division foe. I’ll always hate you until the day I die, but do this for me one time bro. 

Thx, 

Alex

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