Why NBA Free Agency is INFINITELY More Exciting than The Bachelorette
I feel like I should formally introduce myself. My name is Holly and I am a V recent NBA fan, which I mostly blame/thank The PUP List for. I care about sports 73% of the time and while I don’t claim to be a sports expert, I can carry my own in most sports-related conversations (especially if we are discussing who athletes are dating or what they are wearing, or obscure facts about their lives…did you know Kyrie plays the saxophone? SIGN ME UP). You could say that I like the story behind the sports.
Born and raised in The Nasti Nati, I never had a reason to pick an NBA team (WHO DEY). And until very recently, hating on Lebron was way more fun for me than cheering for him. (At this point, I would like to formally apologize, Bron. I think we can both agree that the “The Decision” was absurd, but we have both gotten older and wiser since then and I would like to turn over a new leaf.)
So, yeah I’ve never had a dog in this fight. Until this summer. Between the Warriors and their Splash Brothers, the KD and Westbrook relationship saga, and Lebron’s quest for a Cleveland championship, it was impossible not to get hooked.
While Draymond is kicking people in the balls and Steph’s wife is in some hot water on Twitter, the remaining 2/3 of time Twitter is losing their minds over The Bachelor(ette) kingdom.
And it makes me want to rip my eyelashes out one by one. How can you honestly tell me that JoJo tolerating this crazy Chad dude fighting with a dude who should have never made it past auditions is more exciting than this summer’s NBA free agency?
Let me recap (with minimal details and mainly true facts).
Kevin Durant, who appears to be one the sweetest, kindest, smartest, best basketball players in game, got his heart broken in the semi-finals of this year’s championship series. While a fan-favorite and a OKC demi-god, many people were pulling for KD and his controversial and stylish side-kick Russell Westbrook to bring the big W to Oklahoma. Their pre-game dancing sealed the deal for me, but wasn’t enough to distract and defeat the Warriors.
The beloved KD was up for free agency, but OKC was confident that their hometown hero would stay loyal.
Cut to The NBA Bachelor runner-up. After losing the final rose (NBA Championship) to the mighty Cavaliers, the Warriors have gone back to the drawing board, determined to show the NBA and the world that they aren’t messing around. They did not have the most impressive season of all time just to let LeBron block their championship (‘cept he did, HARD).
With the plot twist of the century, the Warriors became the MonSTARS by picking up Kevin Durant, making their starting five something legends are made of.
Cue OKC pulling all sorts of crazy ex-girlfriend shit a la Cav fans circa 2010.
I’m also V upset that KD and Westbrook won’t have their fairytale ending, but baby boy has grown up and who can HONESTLY blame him. Also, lets be thankful that he didn’t hold an entire TV special to announce his next career move. And we can also find solace in the fact that the Thunder’s GM, Sam Presti, is handling the breakup like an adult. KD’s move to the “dark side” definitely hurts, but aren’t we all a little excited to see how this seemingly unstoppable team destroys every other team in the league?
The Warriors also picked up Xavier alum, David West. Which deserves a minor mention for no other reason than I LOVED him as a young babe.
Before I even had time to adequately process the new KD + Warrior relationship, Twitter was flooded with whispers about Dwanye Wade (ladies, he’s married to Gabrielle Union and their life is basically like Love and Basketball) making the move from the Miami Heat (Lebron’s old flame – pun intended) to Lebron’s Cleveland kingdom. (Side note: did anyone ask Bosh if he wanted to come? Does he even play sports anymore?) The PUP List spidey senses are tingling.
AND, now Melo (who is married to LaLa of VH1 fame. Who is ALSO bffs with Gabrielle Union Wade.) is tweeting some cryptic shit now. Be.Still.My.Heart.
This is way, way more exciting than last year’s NBA emoji war.
If the Cavs can pull it off, their starting five (Lebron, Kyrie, Melo, D. Wade and someone else important) will become equally unstoppable and the rest of the NBA will probably just retire early. And they will probably forget about K. Love. Again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROCESS TWO NBA POWERHOUSES?! Answer: Spend my day refreshing my Twitter feed (and checking in on the emotional status of my Thunder friends). You can keep your Bachelorette bullshit. I’ll take basketball, all day.
Now the question remains…will the Cavs give D. Wade a rose?
P.S. I forgot touch on the fact that the Knicks picked up Derrick Rose and his fierce sidekick Joakim Noah. But Rose will probably get hurt again and none of it will matter. I’ll also leave this right here: