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Rowdy Moves 101: School In Australia Bans Clapping In Favor of Air Punching

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By: JerryAnytime

News AUClapping has been banned at a Sydney primary school which has introduced “silent cheering”, “pulling excited faces”, and “punching the air” to respect students who are “sensitive to noise.”

The school now only allows its pupils “to conduct a silent cheer” when prompted by teachers and says the practice “reduces fidgeting.”

Elanora Heights Public School, which is on Sydney’s northern beaches, announced its new “silent cheer” policy in its latest school newsletter.

“If you’ve been to a school assembly recently, you may have noticed our students doing silent cheers,” the item reads. Instead of clapping, the students are free to punch the air, pull excited faces and wriggle about on the spot. The practice has been adopted to respect members of our school community who are sensitive to noise. When you attend an assembly, teachers will prompt the audience to conduct a silent cheer if it is needed. Teachers have also found the silent cheers to be a great way to expend children’s energy and reduce fidgeting.”

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With each passing day, I’m slowly realizing that the newer generation is passing me by, and that I simply don’t understand anything anymore. 2016 is the year to ban anything that offends you or triggers you in the slightest, and while almost all of it is done for good, I think this school in Australia has crossed the line.

You can’t ban clapping. You just can’t. If you’re offended by clapping, then I’m assuming if someone accidentally puts ketchup on your plain cheeseburger you’re going to file for domestic assault. This is a “well that escalated quickly” of the highest proportions. This is not even escalating things quickly; this is flat out propelling shit straight into orbit.

In my personal opinion, air punching is probably a little more of a hazard than a clap. I punched the air when I was angry and playing Call of Duty when I was 12 years old and threw my arm out of the socket. I don’t know how excited these kids are getting, but letting 30 kids punch the air simultaneously sounds like people are going to be getting knocked the fuck out left and right. All you need is one sarcastic, asshole kid like me and they’ll wind one up as a joke and next thing you know Jimmy gets his head blown off right in the middle of Social Studies class.

I feel like people in Australia have about a billion other things to worry about before clapping. All those internet stories that come out with spiders as big as tanks and snakes falling from the ceiling in the land down under have to be true because I read them on the internet. Clapping should be a strong #1000 on ‘The 1000 Things To Worry About in Australia.’ Australia is a vast, sprawling continent of Nope and I’m Good on That and Fuck That Completely. So Australia… let the kids live a little. Let them clap instead of having to dream about clapping through all the fire GIFS on the web.


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