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Life Hack 101: Guy Asks For A Longer Prison Sentence So He Can Match Larry Bird’s Jersey Number

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By: JerryAnytime

OKLAHOMA CITY — A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to because of Larry Bird.

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird’s jersey number 33.

“He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird’s jersey,” Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. “We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it.”

All right, hear me out. This sounds like it would be a counterproductive move, but I think it’s low key genius. Not only is this guy getting attention because of this stunt, but he’s also paying homage to one of the greatest white dudes to ever strap on a pair of sneakers and pull up for a jump shot.

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So, just about every criminal gets a chance at parole, right?  15 years down the line, all Eric James Torpy, or Torps as I’m going to lovingly call him, has to do is tell the parole board that he asked for extra prison time because he was so ashamed for what he had done. BOOM, Torps is being granted his freedom. This stunt is right up there with Ellis Boyd ‘Red’ Redding’s move in Shawshank. (If you don’t get this reference, please stop reading right now.)


In all honesty though, being in prison has to be the absolute worst thing in the world. I can’t even imagine spending a night in prison, let alone countless years. Seriously, unless you’re going to prison at age 0, getting 30 years is basically a life ruin-er. How the hell do you even tweet in prison? Let me know when they upgrade prison and everyone gets to watch Netflix, until then you can put prison on my fuck that forever list.

P.S. If I’m ever about to go to prison, I’m bringing up this blog in a court of law. I’ll just reference the blog and tell the judge like, “Look, your majesty, it clearly states here that I do not like prison. Wasn’t a big fan, still not a big fan. Facts are facts.”

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