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Bearcats Football Starts Tonight: Here’s a Look at Tub’s Reign Thus Far and UC’s Big 12 Chances


By: Adam Bross

It pains a Cincinnati native to have hyped up Tommy Tuberville’s hiring at the University of Cincinnati December 8, 2012.  One day following the reverence given to Pearl Harbor Day, the city was able to breathe and relax following that BASTARD BUTCH JONES departing in a relatively Brian K@!!y-esque fashion.


A school plagued by the nation’s perception of a “stepping stone” job while planted firmly in a city where sports are life, UC has always stared into the mirror knowing it stood one step below high school football Fridays.

So, readers, I am pained at UC’s performance these last few years.  They are the trademark of a stepping stone job which hurts worse than……

Image result for Brian Dawkins hit gif

Since the arrival of Thomas, the Cats have sunken to a level of mediocrity we thought extinguished by the heroic Mark Dantonio so many years ago.  Here is Tommy Tuberville’s UC resume:

  • 25-12 in three seasons (.676)
  • 0-3 in Bowl games (combined scores of 41-114)
  • 0 NFL draft picks (I believe UC has had a draft pick since Tuberville arrived, but sources)
  • 1 tied for first place finish in conference (3rd in 2013 and 3rd in the EAST in 2015)
  • 0-1 against Ohio State
  • Only beat Miami by 4 last season

So, Mr. Tubbs

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Why do I write you this morning?  Well, yesterday, the Big 12 announced they had cut down the list of potential schools and CONGRATULATIONS! We’re still on the board!

The only viable candidates out there are Cincy, UConn, BYU, and Houston.  Well, BYU doesn’t drink beer, UConn has this kid HERE, and Houston is only still alive because Texas is being a bitch about getting another little brother into the conference to consistently out-recruit them.  Take all that into account and there is no second option, this isn’t Air Force and we know Tulane is only alive because we feel bad about their dome flooding.

Let’s get serious, Thomas, for only one paragraph and then I’ll let you go back to trying to navigate the American Conference, a home game against BYU, and something insulting about Purdue.  All the other teams the Big 12 is considering lurks on the 2016 Bearcat schedule.  Houston and BYU, the two “good” teams of the other three, have to come into Nippert Stadium and you can bet all your unused Skyline gift cards that Bob Bowlsby will be watching.

Everything else is in place.  The academics are climbing, the campus is beautiful, the reputation is growing, basketball is winning American Conference games, and Zimmer Hall is above water.  All we need, Tubbs, is to look like a Big 12 Conference team for one year…just one and then you’ll be back home in the Big 12 and can go back to losing to all those teams which ran you out of Lubbock (or…preferably…beat them?)

Honestly, how hard is it to look like Kansas?

Image result for Kansas football catch gif


  1. UC had a couple guys drafted last season, Chris Moore and Parker Ehinger. I don’t believe they were his recruits, but still were drafted under his tenure. Not being a douche since I agree that Tubbs needs to step it up this season.

  2. I knew guys had been drafted, just used UC as a resource, so went with their numbers. Moore and Ehinger were not Tubbs recruits, but still drafted under his watch (I literally had 2 written and double checked with UC and they had none since 2013).

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