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College Football Week One Recap: “Welcome Back” Has Never Felt So Good


Florida State quarterback Deondre Francois (12) enters the field the first half of the Peach Bowl NCAA college football game against Houston, Thursday, Dec. 31, 2015, in Atlanta. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

By: Adam Bross

The outlook was strong for college football’s first week; however, the majority of teams decided the hype was for the birds. They allowed fans and casual watchers to climax by four o’clock on Saturday and then just kept giving. We’re all grateful.


While not every game matched the hype, even the blowouts left mouths agape and salivation high. In other words, it has never felt better to have something back in the world.  As is tradition, we’ve taken some notes:

We need more out-of-conference succulence, so give the teams motivation

The best games this weekend all occurred between noticeably strong teams:

Houston – Oklahoma
Clemson – Auburn
North Carolina – Georgia
Texas – Notre Dame
Ole Miss – Florida State
Texas State – Ohio
Wisconsin – Louisiana State
UCLA – Texas A&M

I know its impossible to predict how terrible USC is going to be or that South Carolina was going to nosedive into a 3-9 team overnight, but teams need incentive to reach into the unknown and schedule strong non-conference opponents. At this point, the biggest motivator for scheduling an Ohio State or an Alabama is “well…maybe we’ll get to host College Gameday Drinking Game?”

Remember 2014 when Ohio State won the National Title? (Me too!).  The Bucks played an outstanding non-conference schedule of Navy, Virginia Tech, Kent State, and Cincinnati…and they lost to Virginia Tech.  So why schedule the biggest and baddest of non-conference opponents unless you’d like to lose early and miss the playoff (i.e. Notre Dame the last two seasons).

kelly bitch.png

The playoff committee needs to assume being the best of a power conference (think 2015 Oklahoma or Michigan State) makes you the best choice for the playoff.  The non-conference needs to mean something or else we’ll never see these weekends again.

SEX-iest Weekend of the Season?

I hear it all the time, “Adam, the blog was great this weekend, but why do you have to hate the SEC so much?” And I am forced to reply, “I don’t hate the SEC.  They have the best athletes and the best coaches and the best tradition and Alabama is great; however, the conference manages to force an entire nation onto its knees based off of beating itself.  Imagine if Connor McGregor went out and hit himself in the face five times and was named the winner by unanimous decision.”


I hate the way everyone looks at the SEC, so I’m forced to marginalize the SEX-iest conference in America to an exaggerated extent to influence the thinking of my tens of thousands of readers.  A loss to an LSU team that goes 8-4 is just that, a loss to an 8-4 team.  The Tigers lost to Wisconsin…a very moderately talented Big Ten team.  This wasn’t a trip to Columbus, Ann Arbor, or East Lansing.  I’ll never pretend this was a “neutral field game”, but is it impossible to think #5 LSU can win on the road against Wisconsin?

wisco lsu.jpg

I’m continuing my fight against the SEC love while I still can.  While ammunition is available and we watched Mississippi State lose to South Alabama, Ole Miss implode against Florida State (*Editor’s note, Francois tho…), Tennessee flail across Rocky Top versus Appalachian State, and LSU dead fish around Lambeau Field for an afternoon. Is the conference the deepest?  Arguably.  Should a win against an eventual 8-4 team be hailed as amazing? Never.  Is beating an SEC team better than any other team?  Not when that team loses to South Alabama, snoozes against Southern Mississippi, trips backward versus Wisconsin, flops against Florida State in 15 minutes, needs luck and overtime to beat Appalachian State at home, or isn’t Alabama/Georgia.

Texas is only 1-0 and College Football is already better.


I’ll never join in jumping to conclusions that Texas is back and they are now the favorite to win the Big 12….BUT DAMMIT TEXAS IS WINNING THE BIG 12 THIS SEASON BECAUSE I WANT THEM TOO AND THIS SPORT IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN TEXAS IS A WINNING TEAM.  This isn’t WWE where we have to plot unthinkable results to keep terrible story going or risk John Cena fading into nothingness and having to GOD FORBID have Roman Raines or however you spell his stupid name be our champion.  College football writes itself and whether Texas is 12-0 or 0-12, the sport deliciously satisfies fandom; nonetheless, having the prestigious and great teams phoenix from the doldrums of losing to Iowa State really invigorates my sex drive.

Houston is making the Playoff and I’m giddy


When this “election cycle” (**DISCLAIMER, I’M 100% IGNORANT TO THE START OR EXISTENCE OF AN “election cycle”…AT SOME POINT, GROWN MEN AND WOMEN BEGAN YELLING AT EACH OTHER**) began, I secretly wished for Hilary Clinton and Ted Cruz to be the candidates, but not because I endorse their political agendas or think of them as bearable human beings in the least.  I prayed these two would be the candidates in the hopes of Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump maintaining their beliefs in Bern-ing and making things great enough to run independent.  Why?  Because he two party system makes me very upset.

Shift mental gears away from politics and think football. Back?  Great!  Houston is our…Donald Trump?


Well, Houston is going to ruin the assumption that you have to be a Power 5 team to make the playoff.  Eventually, college football will forget you have to be a Power 5 champion to make the playoff….or hopefully we get the suggested expansion package I’ve put in the inbox of all members of the vaunted committee.


1 Comment »

  1. Dear Adam “SEX-Y Hater” Brossy Bro,

    The point is moot.

    SEC Football is the best by far. You’re right, best players, best coaches, best weather, best tailgates, best fans, Southern Belles, Wannabe Southern Belles, corruption, and the most lettuce generated by any BCS Conference.

    You just can’t blame Brent.

    Only cupcakes in the SEC are Vandy, UK and South Carolina. MSU lost Dak P. to the NFL so the jury is out on the Bulldogs.

    And yes, these teams beat up on each other, play some tough out of conference games, and after they put their pants on, one leg at a time, they make gold records and win National Championships.

    See, even Christopher Walken and his character Jack Wheeler are Mississippi State Bulldog Fans!

    Props to The Bucks! There are two essential truths in sport.
    1. You cannot replace a Gary Bertier!
    2. You cannot deny OSU dominance!

    Quick Big Ten review PUPpies, football powerhouses Indiana, Illinois, Northwestern, Purdue, Minnesota, Rutgers, Penn State & Maryland could play Homecoming Games at most SEC stadia. The following list is for references purposes only, infer what you will. I just like seeing the last team in the list for some reason. In 1988 gasoline cost was about $ 0.72 to $ 0.98 per gallon!!!!!!!!!!!

    2015 Alabama CFP
    2014 Ohio State CFP
    2013 Florida State BCS
    2012 Alabama BCS
    2011 Alabama BCS
    2010 Auburn BCS
    2009 Alabama BCS
    2008 Florida BCS
    2007 Louisiana State BCS
    2006 Florida BCS
    2005 Texas BCS
    2004 Southern California BCS
    2003 Louisiana State, Southern California BCS, AP, FWAA
    2002 Ohio State BCS
    2001 Miami (Fla.) BCS
    2000 Oklahoma BCS
    1999 Florida State BCS
    1998 Tennessee BCS
    1997 Michigan, Nebraska AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/ESPN
    1996 Florida AP, FWAA, NFF,USA/CNN
    1995 Nebraska AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI
    1994 Nebraska AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI
    1993 Florida St. AP, FWAA,NFF, USA/CNN, UPI
    1992 Alabama AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI
    1991 Washington, Miami (Fla.) FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI,AP
    1990 Colorado, Georgia Tech FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, AP, UPI
    1989 Miami (Fla.) AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI
    1988 Notre Dame AP, FWAA, NFF, USA/CNN, UPI

    Much Love & Two Fingers,

    Big PUPpy


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