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This Sober Kid That Ran Onto the Field During MNF Pissed Me Off Way More Than He Should Have


By: JerryAnytime

DeadspinThe most exciting rushing attempt in last night’s late Monday Night Football game did not come from the two butt teams playing, but from an Idiot On The Field who was left to run wild for well over a minute, making him the subject of a historically glorious radio call before he was tackled to the turf.

As it turns out, the Idiot in question was a 16-year-old named William, who told me he had always dreamed of running onto a field. Of course he did. And William was easy to track down because he had his phone number scrawled across his torso. Of course he did. Since then, he says “hella” people have called him.

Did his friends give him money for it?

“I did it for free because I’ve always wanted to do it because it looked fun.”

Was he drunk?

“No, I was sober.”

What did his dad say?

“I thought he was gonna be mad, but he said he was proud of me.”

Was he grounded?

“No. My parents thought it was too funny.”

Three things here:

1)      This kid said the word “hella” twice in a two minute interview with Deadspin.

2)      He was completely sober.

3)      He takes classes online as a 16 year old, he works as a salesman, and his dad was completely cool with all of this.

Without sounding completely abrasive and like another old man yelling at a cloud, this kid can go completely fuck himself. I was once grounded as a freshman in high school for leaving my air conditioner on when I left for school. I didn’t get to see my friends or do anything for an entire week. I didn’t even have strict parents; they just liked to let me know who the fuck was running the show every now and again.

One could argue that at 16, you’d be the hottest shit since sliced bread at school for an act like this… except dumbass William doesn’t even go to high school, he takes classes online. I’m about 95% sure that’s illegal, but then again I’m not a lawyer or really even a smart person.


I’d be a liar if I said I haven’t been to a sporting event and after a few alcoholic beverages thought for a split second about maybe running onto the field. But that’s the difference between me and Will. That thought when out of my brain in under 2 seconds, even under the influence of Natural Light and Fireball, because while I might not be a smart person, I’m not a complete idiot.

This is the perfect example of a Cali teen that is completely oblivious to how the world as a whole works. You can’t work as a salesmen at age 16, throw out the word ‘hella’ all willy-nilly, and be completely sober when you run onto the field in the middle of an NFL game. I’m going to say that you honestly shouldn’t be able to do any of those things, ever, let alone be able to do them all at the same time.


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