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Dugan’s Deliberations: A Depressing Week 2 in the NFL

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By: Tyler Dugan

Week two was a severe let down from week one. The Bengals lost, I got leveled in fantasy and Danny Woodhead went down with a knee injury. With that being said, let’s get into the games.

We’ll start again with the Bengals. Pretty shitty game to watch, it was sloppy, boring and I had to constantly watch Ben make plays. There are so many things that were bizarre with this game. Let’s start with what everyone has been bitching about, the refs. No sugar coating it. They sucked. And it seemed that they always sucked in ways that didn’t benefit the Bengals.

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It’s such a pathetic thing to blame games on referees, so I’m not going to do that because the Bengals didn’t play well, but yeeeeeeesh. The amount of holding calls that weren’t called is actually alarming. The Steelers could not block Dunlap or Geno the entire time. Their one tackle sucks. Literally bear hugged them the whole game, but hey, if you can get away with it more power to ya. Cheat to win.

The Uzomah touchdown was just bad on all ends. The refs missing that is terrible. No clue how they don’t see that, and shoutout to the Bengals staff up in the box telling Marv not to challenge it. You have one damn job. I’m at home supporting a hard hangover (nice) with 9 other guys, and literally everyone of us saw that he was in.

Now the fumble. He was down. No way around it. Can’t wait for the NFL to come out and say that officials screwed up.

With all that being said, the redzone offense was atrocious. Tyler Eifert needs to come back. He makes the world go round for the Bengals in the redzone. Lastly, when are we gonna stop calling pass plays for Jake f’ing Fisher? The guy is a damn offensive tackle. I could maybe see it as some bizarre play early in the game, but in the redzone, on 3rd down, during a pretty crucial part of the game, they run that!?! Lordie. All good though, plenty of ball to be played.

Lastly can people stop saying that DeAngelo Williams found a “fountain of youth?” Is that the fancy term for HGH these days? DeAngelo was an average running back at best in 2009. Out of nowhere he leads the league in rushing after 2 games?? HGH works miracles man. Look out all you 19 year old girls, Big Ben is 2-0, and will be camping outside a girls bathroom near you.

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Ok, now onto the rest of the games, and I promise they won’t be as long as the Bengals recap.

Browns v. Ravens

BREAKING NEWS: Browns blow a 20 point lead. Just the usual for good ole Cleveland. This week was Josh McCowns turn. They got off to a hot start, though. Kudos to them. The Ravens scare the shit out of me in the North. Mike Wallace has finally found his perfect system. Flacco just rolls out and throws the ball as far as he can to him. I played Wallace in Fanduel this week, if he is still on the waiver wire, I’d highly recommending picking him up. Steve Smith is the meanest man in the league. I watched him catch a 20 yard out for a first down, and he got up and just stared at the dude he beat. Just pure mean.

Patriots v. Dolphins

Very solid backdoor cover by the fins here. The Pats absolutely came out swinging. I farted and this game was 28-0. The Patriots win the division every year before the season starts, and it sucks. Every year its the Bills year or the Jets’ year, or the Dolphins. Every year the Patriots are done, and they continue to throw it in our face every year. This division sucks. Patriots will kill every team in this, and dance their way to a first round bye. Dumb.

Seahawks v. Rams

HAHAHAHAHA. Man I hate the Seahawks. Seattle is so damn overrated. Russell Wilson SUCKS. Is Blaine Gabbert better than Russell Wilson? Honest question. Russell couldn’t score on a team that gave up 28 points to the Niners. Woof. Pete Carroll is gonna have a damn heart attack on the sidelines. Guy chews gum harder than anyone in the league.

Jags v. Chargers

Had Jags +3 and Danny Woodhead in 2 fantasy leagues. Yupp. Rough

Falcons v. Raiders

My favorite game of the day, it was pretty back in fourth. Derek Carr’s eyes freak me out.

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I’m not sure if that’s just how they look with his helmet on, or if there is something else with that story, but yeesh. I’m not even sure what exactly is wrong with them, something is just a little off. And whats up with him wearing long sleeves every game? Quiet hardo move. I think I just lowkey developed a hate for Derek Carr. Other than that, the Falcons should chill on splitting carries. I got Devonta in 2 leagues (same 2 leagues I have Woodhead). These 12 carries for 98 yard days are getting out of control. Feed my man.

Giants v. Saints

Dud of the weekend. I wanted 2 things this weekend. Vontaze to sneak out of the tunnel and tear fat ass’ ACL, and this game to be the exact game it was last year. Sadly neither happened. I got a hard itch that Giants are gonna win the Super Bowl this year though.

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I’m not sure why, but just a gut shot in the dark. You heard it here first folks (*Editor’s note, Bill Simmons thinks so too). Eli will not let Peyton tie him in rings. I’m hardcore team Eli over Peyton by the way.

49ers v. Panthers

This game was high scoring, but I feel like I never saw it pop up on Redzone. So not really sure what to think about it. Cam dominated. Ted Ginn most likely dropped a ball. Kuechly probably had 6,000 tackles. Gabbert probably had a really bad pick. Didn’t watch a down of this game, but I gotta be spot on to what happened.

Titans v. Lions

Aquan Boldin is on the Lions now??? Best offseason signing. Saw that he caught a tuddie. Guy just keeps on chuggin’ along. Solid win for the Titans. My boy Mariota squeaked one out. Mark it down, he will be better than Jameis. (I hate Jameis)

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Cards v. Bucs

Jameis Winston is gonna be MVP!!! *Throws 5 picks* Jameis is a future Jay Cutler/Sam Bradford, a lot of a talent…but just a waste. Which is good because Jameis is a mega douche.

Chiefs v. Texans

Didn’t really watch this one, but every time I saw something happening, it was Kansas City fumbling. Not sure what that is about, but I can just imagine Andy Reid with 35 twinkie rappers on his desk watching film at like 3 am. Just stuffing his face with Little Debbie snacks shaking his head in disgust.

Cowboys v. Redskins

Good win for Dak and the boys. Skins stink. Kirk just randomly launches the ball up in the middle of nowhere. But Washington does have sneaky good receiving core. Desean Jackson, Pierre Garcon and Josh Doctson. Throw in Jordan Reed. They should throw for 350 a game. Oh well, Skip will be able to sleep this week. Thank goodness.

Didn’t watch the Sunday night game, had to accounting tests to study for. Im a STUDENT-blogger folks. Thats all I got.

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