Guy Tries To Smoke Weed Out of a Scuba Tank and Ends Up Having A Real Bad Time
Boston Leader – 27-year old Boston local has suffered extensive injuries to his lower body after an unconventional attempt to ‘fill a scuba tank with weed smoke’ failed spectacularly last Thursday night. According to the testimony of several witnesses, Michael Fitzpatrick had consumed a copious quantity of alcohol before making the decision to demonstrate the home-made device.
Mr. Fitzpatrick invited a number of his friends over to his residence, a basement suite in Roslindale, telling them he’d finally perfected what he called his ‘scuba bong’. “Clearly it wasn’t a bong at all,” pointed out one of his friends when interviewed by local journalists, “but he was so enamored with that name we thought best not to correct him.”
When his friends assembled at Mr. Fitzpatrick’s residence, they found him heavily intoxicated. “He’d had a number of celebratory drinks before we arrived, as he was so delighted to finally have his ‘scuba bong’ up and running.” With his friends present, Mr. Fitzpatrick proceeded to offer a demonstration of the home-made device in action. This is the point that everything went horribly wrong.
According to the witnesses, Mr. Fitzpatrick was attempting to reattach the air compressor when he stumbled, knocking the scuba tank off a workbench and onto the concrete floor. “The tank basically exploded after [Fitzpatrick] knocked it over,” commented one of the witnesses. None of Fitzpatrick’s friends were injured, but the blast from the ruptured tank sent shrapnel flying directly into his lower body.
Correction: An earlier version of this post stated the victim was unemployed. Mr. Fitzpatrick is actually employed on a part-time basis at a local pizza shop. We regret the error.
The pure essence and definition of “life comes at you fast.” One second your about to rip a scuba bong with the fellas, the next second you have your balls blown straight into outer space.
Mike may look like an idiot now, but I wholeheartedly respect his ingenuity. Pot heads are constantly looking for new ways to smoke and Mike had found the apex of marijuana intake. Forget the simple and traditional methods of vaping or eating edibles, Mike decided that he needed to have THC shot at the speed of light directly into his lungs. Mike’s only mistake was forgetting that while operating equipment usually reserved for deep sea exhibitions, you probably shouldn’t drink 15 Busch Lights.
There really are no “good ways” to go about losing the boys down below. There isn’t a story you can spin or any heroic deed that can salvage the fact that it will forever be a party of 1 downstairs. But I can say without hesitation that having them blown off because you tried to smoke pot out of what is essentially a live bomb might be the worst way.
P.S. The pizza shop Mike works at has to give him a raise. In the pizza shop game, a marijuana injury is the equivalent to winning the Nobel Peace Prize.