Craziness in the Cubes: Corporate Retreat with an Open Bar
Sorry I’ve been slacking on keeping you guys posted on the insanity that exists inside the cubes. A few weeks back I had to go to a week long company “retreat” … here are the highlights.
Going away for business obviously has its pros and its cons. You get to put up that beautiful out of office message on your email, you don’t have to see the inside of your cube that makes you die a little more on the inside each day, and most importantly, you get to live on that corporate card. This week long retreat was a little different in the fact that all meals were provided and there was an open bar every day until midnight.
Now I know what you’re thinking, that’s great! … You’ll see.
So, being a low level cube monkey, this retreat was for people also in my position. We are talking a week long conference of 50 people ages 22-25. On the first night, I went to the bar nice and early to take full advantage of the endless booze. Little did I know, the bartender had every intention of making this a huge turn up. By 9pm, the bar is blasting house music and everyone just looking at each other a little confused. Not sure if it was cool to treat this like a college bar, or keep it “professional.” I opted for the latter, got wasted and headed back to my room, pretty uneventful.
The next night, a lot of upper level management was there and the vibe in the bar completely changed. The music was straight out of the boardy barn – Billy Joel, Elton John, etc (you know the deal). For the next three days it was more of the same, but what happened on the last night blew my mind.
Fast forward to Thursday night, the last night at this retreat. All upper level management had already left, and we were back to just our group of scrubs. Everyone at this point is getting wasted, thrilled that they don’t have shmoooze it up talking about their job, blah blah blah.
I see the bartender in the bathroom and call him out for the total vibe change with the music. He looked at me and essentially said, “gotta keep it professional when the big dogs are in town, but when its just you guys who gives a shit.”
Before I know it, the lights are off and Young Ma’s “Oouuuuuu” is blasting.
At this point, people don’t give a FUCK. Girls have their hands on the ground twerking on people’s khakis, it’s absolute madness. Some girl from France who hadn’t said a word all week is legs in the air, break dancing. Insanity. It gets to be around midnight, and people are shitfaced, trying to buy bottles from the bar to keep the party going once they stop serving. As absolutely ridiculous as it was, goddamn it was better than wasting away in my jail cell on the daily. The only thing better was seeing people’s faces bright and early the morning knowing just a couple hours before they were picking up quarters off the ground with their asses. The beauty of corporate America.
Here’s my advice: don’t drink the company kool aid or you’ll end up blacked out in the bar rubbing up on Judy from HR.
Sorry for the break from these blogs… I’ll be sure to keep you guys posted on the insanity of corporate America.