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Dugan’s Deliberations: NFL Week 4 in Review

By: Tyler Dugan

I’m back ya’ll, took a week 3 hiatus due to a long ride home from Ole Miss. But I’m back and geared up for week 4 lets rock and roll.

Bengals v. Dolphins

Normally don’t include the Thursday night games, but since it was the Bengals, we will hit on it. King Tez’s first game back, he didn’t murder anyone. Big win for the Bengals there. A.J. Green wanted to play this week, so he flat out dominated. I said it earlier this year, when he wants to, he can do whatever he wants on the field. Defense played great. Vontaze makes such a big difference in this team. Offensive line is still shaky, especially Russell Bodine, he is the worst center in the league.

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He just gets blown up every play. Other than that, we are getting healthier which is big news. I think they are going to murder Dallas this week. Actually murder them. Eifert comes back, catches 2 tuddies, 42-14 Bengals.

Colts v. Jags

The wonderful game in London. The game in London is great if your team isn’t playing. It’s great being able to wake up at like 10, little hungover, flick on the T.V, and oh shit, there is a mediocre NFL game on! Don’t have to watch Berman and the gang mumble a bunch of nonsense on your T.V. If it is your team though, it kinda sucks, its going to suck having to get up at like 9 to watch the Bengals in a few weeks. But to the actual game, the Colts maybe the only team to consistently get a pass from the mainstream media. They are terrible. Their defense sucks every damn year. I hate watching Neck-beard Luck on my screen. I hate how big his mouth piece is. Its 2016 dude, get a clear mouth piece that no one can see. He wears this giant royal blue one, and it just pisses me off every time I look at it.

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Pagano needs to be fired, I know he had cancer and all, and they played that entire season for him a few years ago, but they suck this year, and they sucked last year so fire him.

Titans v. Texans

Going to go out on a limb and say that the Titans are the most random team in the NFL. They are just there. Never talked about, just there. Lost a tough one here to the Texans without JJ. This game was sneaky good, but I don’t remember a single play from it, so I cant really say much about it.

Browns v. Redskins The Brownies did it AGAIN. Year of Cleveland man. Indians are in the playoffs, Cavs won the title, and the Browns are just barely losing games… riveting. Gosh they are so bad. And how about Josh Gordon, dumbest athlete of all time? Back in rehab again? Cannot wait for the 30 for 30 on him. Guy just can’t stop, crazy shit. Saw that video of the fumble recovery that Cleveland got but they gave it to Washington anyway. Not sure what that was about. Cleveland literally had the ball in his hands. But you can’t be as bad as the Browns are, expect good things to happen to you, there is a legitimate chance they could go 0-16. (Sike, they are for sure going to beat the Bengals, and its going to suck.)

Seahawks v. Jets

Vomit game of the week. Just 2 teams that are hard to like. Russell had God back on his side this week and they won. Yay. Jets fans are finally figuring out that Ryan Fitzpatrick isn’t any good. 9 interceptions in the past weeks. Yikes. The guy went to Harvard. Harvard. You don’t put faith in a team that has a quarterback that went to Harvard.

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 Just shame for the Jets because they actually have a good roster other than him, but they cannot win with him.

Bills v. Pats

The Bills are back!!!!!! We go through this shit every damn year. Bills get off to a bad start, they win a couple games, everyone thinks sexy Rexy Ryan is a god, then they will lose 5 in a row. I don’t even know who the Bills play next week, but I would throw my next months rent on them winning, and then they will go back to losing. Some things will never change, and that is one of them. Pats will be fine obviously, the G.O.A.T. comes back next week, so I’m sure they will win by a thousand. Plus they are playing the Browns, so maybe a million???

Panthers v. Falcons 

Was the game of the week strictly because of Julio Jones. 300 yards???? Gosh guys who had him on their fantasy team must’ve been going crazy, and how about that guy throwing him the ball. Man I’m sure people who had him on their fantasy were going crazy.

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(Yes I named my fantasy after Verne Lundquist.) Kinda the same thing with the Falcons as the Bills. They start the year off blazing every year, and will wind up going 8-8. NFL is too predictable man. Can’t wait for the amount of times we will hear ESPN say “is it time to push the panic button for the Panthers?” Will be fun.

Raiders v. Ravens 

Pretty crazy game. Raiders are solid. Michael Crabtree is a straight vulture. He is making Amari Cooper non-existent. Weird looking Derek Carr is low key clutch. Kinda big for the Bengals that the Ravens lost, don’t want to get down too big in the division race. The fact that the NFL lets celebration penalties decide games is so stupid. The guy caught the go ahead touchdown for the Ravens, and obviously he is going to celebrate, let them have their time. It is so stupid that they call a penalty because a guy begins dancing. So now the Raiders get a short kick, and get the ball on the 45. Such a dumb concept. The NFL is the worst man.
 
Bears v. Lions
 
Poopy game, 2 of the worst teams in the league. The Bears had the back up QB god Brian Hoyer.

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Everywhere that guy goes, the starter in front of him either gets hurt or sucks, and he winds up starting. If you see Brian Hoyer behind you on the depth chart, look out because he will be starting some games for you in the near future.Broncos v. Bucs

Jameis still on his MVP type season, just steady throwing picks. Paxton Lynch looks like a mix between a pedophile and a high school drug dealer.

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He needs to get rid of the look he is trying to pull off. I once had a Kentucky football fan tell me that Patty Towles was a better QB than Paxton Lynch. Classic case of Kentucky fans thinking just because they go to Kentucky or play in the SEC that they are better than anyone. Oh yeah, the Broncos are good.

Saints v. Chargers

Drew Brees returns to San Diego!!!! The fact that ESPN was trying to make this a big deal is the weirdest thing ever. Not many people even know Drew Brees played for the Chargers, and ESPN tried to make this like Peyton returning back to Indy. Plus, did they think San Diego was a rabid fan base that was going to go wild over Drew Brees returning? Their team is getting relocated, they don’t give a shit about a quarterback coming to his old team from twelve years ago. BREAKING NEWS: Brandon Lafell returns back to New England in 2 weeks!!!

Cowboys v. Niners 

I know the head honcho (Alex) tweeted about this already, but Fox calling every 4 o’clock game they broadcast “Americas game of the week” is the dumbest thing of all time. “Tune into Americas game of the week Rams vs Jaguars!!!” Onto the game, Cowboys are solid, but there is nothing worse than watching Zeke Elliot score a 4 yard touchdown against the f*****g Niners and every damn Ohio State fan retweet a video of it happening. The guys talented, I get it. Stop retweeting every damn stat ever about him. P.S. remember when Ohio State had the greatest team ever, and lost to a back up quarterback at home? Same 🙂

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That all folks, see ya next week. Bengals murder the Cowboys.
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