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BREAKING: The Bengals Are Soft

By: Alex Marcheschi

This morning I happened to see this tweet from Paul Dehner Jr., the Enquirer’s Bengals writer:

It’s 12 degrees in Cincinnati and most schools have a two hour delay. Yup, that’s right, little first graders are still going to walk to school and the Bengals can’t even practice outdoors.

It’s not like we’re playing our most hated rival outdoors on Sunday or anything. Might as well practice inside at UC’s bubble, Marvin will bring the hot chocolate and Guenther will make an Arby’s run. Pacman will take out the trash at the end of the day and hold a conversation with the garbage cans, because talking shit when you’re 5-7-1 right after a victory over the literal worst team ever makes sense.

Not only does moving practice to the bubble illustrate how soft the Bengals are, it shows how cheap Mike Brown is, once again. Imagine hearing this from your boss, the owner of an NFL team.

“Hey guys, we’re going to practice in Clifton today at the local college, they have better facilities than us.” – Mike Brown

“Hey Mike, ever think about how that doesn’t really make sense and that we’re all grown men who are also millionaires? Maybe we should have our own indoor facility.” – George Iloka

“Shut up and get on this Petermann bus.” – Mike Brown

It really is absurd that the Bengals have to use the Bearcats’ facilities though. Ole Mikey tried to ride out this recent wave of success for too long and now we suck again. Maybe we should just build a bubble over PBS to hide it and pretend the Bengals don’t exist.

Also, let me just say this: bringing AJ back for this Steelers game is the single dumbest thing I’ve seen the Bengals do in my life. Put him on ice for the rest of the season for God’s sake. Let’s tank and make sure our best player doesn’t get hurt, we are playing the second scummiest defense (behind us) in the NFL this weekend. Mike Mitchell is already chomping at the bit to fuck AJ up. Damn it.

mike brown.jpg





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