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Are The Bengals About To Invent an Entirely New Way of Playing Football?

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By: Alex Marcheschi

Yesterday, the MMQB’s Andy Benoit wrote a pretty interesting piece about how by drafting John Ross and Joe Mixon, the Bengals will essentially be the fastest, most unpredictable offensive team to ever walk the earth. My initial thought was this: it doesn’t matter, because we have no offensive line.

However, I then decided to strap on my thinking cap and dip into another realm of thought, a realm that I had never considered entering…a realm where the Mike Brown led Cincinnati Bengals just might be pioneers of industry. Upon doing this, I developed a hypothesis that nearly shocked me into a state of unconsciousness. That hypothesis was this:

Could the Cincinnati Bengals be on the brink of creating a revolutionary style of football that involves having so much raw speed on the field that it makes blocking essentially irrelevant?  

It would explain so much. Many were confused as to why the Bengals would select John Ross when there were so many other clear needs on the team. Even more were confused when they drafted Joe Mixon, especially considering their already sketchy reputation within the league. But, and this is a mammoth but, if the Bengals decided that the only way to compete for a Super Bowl after losing their top two offensive lineman from an already lackluster line is to get players so fast that it renders having any time in the pocket irrelevant, it just might make sense.

Think about it, right now Andy Dalton is the Jay Leno of the NFL, meaning he’s a pretty strange looking guy with a plethora of high performance modes of transportation at his finger tips.

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Jay Leno in his garage

If the Bengals just run a bunch of jet sweeps, screens and draw plays this year, Andy will only need about .07 seconds in the pocket to dish the ball off to one of his new high speed toys. Once the ball is out of his hands, there’s inherently about a 10% chance a touchdown happens because no one will be able to keep up with Ross or Mixon. Then, once the defense gets gassed, he can drop back and whip a 40 yard bomb to AJ. It’s genius. The Bengals are about to become the Houston Rockets of the NFL. Houston decided to put all of their eggs in the three point basket and eliminate the aspect of playing defense from their game, and it’s paying off huge right now as they’re tied 1-1 with the Spurs in the playoffs and James Harden is a legit MVP candidate.

The only explanation for this uncharacteristically revolutionary style of thought is that Mike Brown has somehow found himself in a Benjamin Button-esque situation where the closer and closer he inches toward death, the more youthful and creative his brain becomes.


I could easily see him telling Marvin and Co., “Look guys, I’m about to die, we all know it. I’ve looked like a decrepit Humpty Dumpty for years now and I can’t keep pushing my luck, let’s get the fastest team possible and just try to sprint our way all the way to the top so I can hoist the Lombardi on my death bed.”

I just talked myself into being inexplicably pumped for the season, and I can’t wait to see the Bengals activate the NOS and floor it to Minnesota. Super Bowl or bust.

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