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The Clemson Shutout Has Left Urban a Changed, Unshaven Man & He’s Out For Blood

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By: Alex Marcheschi

Urban Meyer has had the look of a disgruntled landscaper battling alcoholism all training camp and I for one am a huge fan of it. This is such a giant leap from his usual clean shaven Mayor-of-Columbus look and it only means one thing: The shutout loss to Clemson changed him. He’s not the same man.

He knows Harbaugh isn’t a threat. Deep down in his soul, he’s completely positive that Harbaugh’s body chemistry has been drastically altered by all the lactose he’s consumed, Jim’s brain isn’t capable of competing with Urban’s. I wouldn’t doubt if Urban takes the Michigan game off and lets Schiano and Coombs tag team ole Jimmy’s brain. He already has Saban’s number, James Franklin got lucky last year…there’s only one man alive who has Urby’s number and he too has an absolutely wild name: Dabo.

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Dabo has infiltrated Urban’s medulla oblongata and he set up shop with a lawn chair and a cooler full of Michelob Ultras. Dabo currently reigns supreme and he’s both younger AND more handsome than Urban. These are uncharted waters for the Buckeyes’ commander in chief. Just look at the man:

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Me on Facebook vs me on Instagram. #Buckeyes

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In my mind, Urban’s offseason has looked a lot like the mom from Stranger Things’ life after her son disappeared.

Urban has locked himself in his office with no razor or sign of the outside world, hanging up lights, just searching for the answer. “How do I beat Dabo Swinney?” he wakes up and murmurs to himself every morning at 4:15 am.

Dabo has been getting fiesty as hell this offseason and Urban has surely taken notice. Look at this quote:

The man shuts out Urban and then acts like it was a walk in the park. Don’t get comfy though Dabo, Urban is coming for that ass with facial hair for days. Roll Bucks.

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