Really Bengals? Really?
By: Alex Marcheschi
A New York Times writer once absolutely ethered Guy Fieri’s Time Square restaurant by writing a review composed of only questions, and while that personally offends me as a huge Guy guy, I respect it as a ruthless and hilarious move. I’ve been inspired to do the same with the Bengals.
So, it wasn’t a good idea to draft a speed demon wide receiver with your first pick in the draft when you knew you needed lineman like you need air to breathe? You’re really going to bench Tyler Boyd as a healthy scratch? Does that mean we have too many receivers and not enough lineman? Can you throw to receivers without lineman?
Does Ken Zampese know what football is? Why are our past three coordinators all head coaches of teams that could beat us and we’re still stuck with Marvin Lewis? Would Marvin Lewis even be able to feed his family if his job was commission based? Is Mike Brown the human embodiment of Humpty Dumpty?
How is AJ Green keeping his sanity? How is Pacman Jones still on the team? Why wasn’t Dre on Hopkins? Why does Zampese think LaFell is the best player on the team? Will we regret taking Mixon over Dalvin Cook? Why did we draft a kicker in the 5th round and then cut him when we need lineman?
Why does anyone spend money on this team? How does Mike Brown sleep at night? Does Eifert still know how to play football? Why do we have $20 million sitting in cap space when we clearly both suck and blow? Did we really just lose to a kid making his first NFL start at home without even scoring a TD? How did Andy not get literally decapitated last night?
Why do I even care?