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Week 3 NFL Recap: Bengals Choke Again, Bortles is The King of England and The Fix Was In

By: Tyler Dugan

Lets start with the hottest topic going right now: the National Anthem. I’m tired of hearing about it. Now to the games.

Bengals vs. Packers

They did it again people, they did it again!! I shit you not, I was sitting on the couch going, “well shit, if they pull this out they will be 1-2 going to Cleveland which should mean 2-2, and then see Buffalo at home? This team will be 3-2 going into a bye, and have 2 weeks to prepare for Pittsburgh.” I believed. I believed just like I did in 2016. I thought to myself, they are going to do it. They are somehow going to win this game. Then Mike Brown squatted down, and took a steaming hot poop right on our chests. He sniffled, and gave us a pity smile because he knew we believed. He sensed that this city began to trust this team again and he wanted to poop on us. But how did this happen? How did they look so so so so so so good for a half and fall apart. Well, thats actually pretty easy to see. In the first half they threw quick sharp passes to 18. They fed Mixon. The kept the defense line off balance with draws and screens. They actually let WJ3 and Darquez play.

Why did this change? The offensive line became a disaster (again). Bullock missed a needed make. Dre and Pacman are BAD. I am so done with those 2 bums playing corner. For the love of all things holy put William Jackson III and Darquez Dennard out there and let them play. Every single time you look at the TV, and you see the receiver trailing alone, you can almost guarantee 27 or 24 will be hauling ass trying to catch up behind them. (first quarter bomb pass, game tying TD in the 4th, long pass in OT)

Dre gets called for more damn defensive holding and pass interference penalties than anyone I’ve ever seen. The Bengals have invested more money and picks in the corner back position in the last 7 years. More than any other position, and it is their second weakest spot on the field besides the O line. Here was Dre Kirkpatrick’s stat line this week: Rodgers was 6-8 against him with a QBR of 152, gave up 92 yards and 2 touchdowns. He had at least 2 penalties, and probably 4 missed tackles. ABYSMAL. 52 MILLION DOLLARS. Little FYI. Kevin Zeitler is making 5 years 60 million, Andrew Whitworth is making 3 years 33 million. They are making roughly 46 million guaranteed combined. The Bengals paid Dre roughly similar numbers that Zeitler got paid. They could have cut Pac man and owed him nothing. They chose to sign Dre Kirkpatrick, WHO HAS A CLEAR REPLACEMENT BEHIND HIM. Then decided to let Kevin Zeitler and/or Andrew Whitworth walk, and they literally had no replacement plan behind them. That is the most backward logic I have ever seen. I just cannot let it go. Oh, by the way Bengals have roughly 15 million dollars in cap space. Just flat out laughable.

Jags vs. Ravens

Speaking of politics, I don’t understand the monarch system at all over there in London. Is their even a King of London? Do they have any power? Get with the times England, its not 1674, find you a President who Tweets. Regardless of all of that, if there isn’t a King of London the Jags as a whole just need to be crowned kings of London. Give me Bortles with a big ole crown. They own that game every single year, Jags should mandate that they play at least 3 games a year across the pond.

bortles king.PNG

Broncos vs Bills

This is just your classic west going east game. Get on that train people. West teams playing on the east coast are death sentences. Jet lag is real. I didn’t watch a single snap of this game, I just know the Bills won because the Broncos time table was all screwed up.

Bears vs. Steelers

This was a fix of all fixes. Vegas got bombarded last week. They called up Hochuli, Goodell, Demaurice Smith, and the rest of the power crew to establish a fix in a lot of these games. There is no reason that the Steelers wouldn’t win this game by at least 10, so naturally they lose out right. You know fat Ben had some heat on this too. He saw that the Ravens lost so he knew he could line his pockets a little bit, without hurting his hopes of winning the division. The Bears tried to lose this though, how on earth are we in 2017, and guys are still having trouble crossing the damn goal line. That is just nonsense to me. I cant begin to understand how you just blatantly stop short. He came to a hault at the one yard line and got stripped. You think that guy had the Steelers -6.5? Had to, only explanation for that.

Falcons vs. Lions

The refs make an atrocious call at the end of this. I’m not sure what the popular money was on in this, but I’m pretty sure the spread was Falcons -3.5. Don’t be surprised if the people’s money was on Detroit. I’m telling ya, the fix is real, and it is alive. That was such a clear touchdown. The Lions got completely robbed.

Then the 10 second run off?? Atrocious. Just a complete disaster of officiating at the end. Refs punk the Lions AGAIN. Biggest rivalry in the sport.

Bucs vs. Vikings

Again, this line being at a pick em seemed like a steal. Case Keenum?? No chance they beat Tampa. WRONG. Not only do they beat them, they own them. I didnt watch a snap, just frustration. No chance Tampa should lose that game.

Pats vs. Texans

Deshaun Watson can flat out ball, he played his balls off in New England. He deserves all the credit in the world. His top notch defense let him down. Tom Brady just did TB12 things. Cannot count them out. Ever. They own this league, still. That pass at the end was dynamite. On the money. 40 years old just putting balls in the bread basket, unreal.

Jets vs. Dolphins

This is another just how. How does this happen? I literally can’t name a player on the Jets, and they won?? Bananas. Just don’t understand how that happens. I didn’t watch this game either, but how the hell do the Jets even score touchdowns? The NFL makes no sense.

Giants vs. Eagles

I don’t have anything to say about this game other than, if you think for one second that Jake Elliot comes close to making that kick in a Bengals uniform you are living in a big time fantasy world. If Jake Elliot was still a Bengal, and he gets put in that spot, that kick gets blocked and taken back to the house for 6.

Seahawks vs. Titans

Titans were my lock of the week. Again, west going east is a disaster. The Titans are really really really good. Mariota is better version of Alex Smith, which is a pretty damn good quarterback. Seattle is collapsing people. Remember when it was outlandish to think that Seahawks would give up 10 points. They gave up 30 yesterday with ease. Done.

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