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Aroldis Chapman Closing Out a Playoff Game is The Best TV on The Planet

By: Alex Marcheschi

I feel bad for that Dolphins coach who just got canned for blowing down coke on camera because he could’ve achieved the same high watching Aroldis Chapman pitch in the ninth last night.

Aroldis is the most unpredictable freak athlete on planet Earth. Watching him close out a playoff game with massive implications is like watching a toddler pick up his dad’s shotgun and sprint around the living room. Last night he was dripping sweat like a Fanta can in the hot sun and growling at batters like a rabid mongoose with his neck tats on full display.

aroldis sweat

Doesn’t get more raw than that. It was truly a thing of beauty, I guarantee he walked into the locker room and ravaged a fifth of tequila and power smoked like seven Marlboro Reds after that one.  I’ll be an Aroldis guy until the day I die, feed me him pitching in the playoffs. FEED ME! I mean, wouldya just look at it!?!

He’s got a t shirt cannon attached to his rotator cuff and he’s utterly unpredictable. He could rifle it right down the plate, or he could lose control and bash your skull in with a 101 mph face laser. I have no idea how anyone steps into the batter’s box against him, I would lose all control of my intestines. I now find myself rooting for the Yankees just so I can watch him close for a few more weeks. Obviously he got his start with us on the Reds, and I understand why they let him go, but I’m an Aroldis guy for life and whenever he closes, it’s must see TV.

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