Who’s To Blame for Barstool Van Talk Getting Cancelled? A Deep Dive
By: Alex Marcheschi
The big news in sports media this week was the cancellation Barstool Van Talk, an ESPN show that was hosted Big Cat and PFT Commenter of the smash hit podcast Pardon My Take. The first episode of Barstool Van Talk premiered on October 17/October 18 depending on how you view the concept of time and was widely considered to be very good, however, it was not met without controversy. ESPN’s Sam Ponder tweeted out her displeasure with her network’s affiliation with Barstool because the site’s founder, Dave Portnoy, once called her a slut. How could ESPN possibly work with a man who slut shamed and objectified women? Disgusting.
More controversy then ensued as one of Barstool’s top bloggers, a handsome man who goes by the name “Uncle Chaps”, blogged about how he would like to perform coitus on a pumpkin. Many internet folk then jumped to this very logical stance: “Wow, ESPN suspended Jemele Hill, but gave a show to some guys who work for a website that published an article about smashing pumpkins (not the band). How hypocritical.”
Now, I’m no philosopher, but the thought process behind that complaint seems to be a bit off. It wasn’t right for ESPN to suspend Jemele, but that truly has nothing to do with them hiring the PMT boys. Barstool Van Talk had been in the works for months, it’s very lazy to equate Jemele’s suspension with the show’s creation simply because the two events happened to occur around the same time. Also, Barstool is a big company at this point, so I fail to see how it’s fair to hold Big Cat and PFT accountable for the actions of their coworkers at a media company. Should everyone currently working for Fox News be banned from working for ESPN because Bill O’Reilly is a disgusting human? I think not.
As we all know, in today’s society, every bad thing that occurs has to be someone’s fault. Has to. Because of this, I have volunteered as tribute to do a deep dive. I have answered the call. I am your man, Internet. Who is to blame for the cancellation of Barstool Van Talk? Who!?!? Someone must pay, and I’m your cyber process server. Hey Internet, you’ve been served.
SUSPECT #1 – Christopher Columbus
Had Christopher Columbus never accidentally discovered America, pumpkins would almost certainly not be associated with the fall season and Chaps would have never blogged about performing sexual acts on a gourd. Furthermore, the Internet may not even exist if Christopher didn’t blindly sail his ship to the Americas and mass murder natives. In fact, football probably wouldn’t even exist either. Lacrosse would most likely be the most popular sport in North America as it was the sport of choice by Native Americans. If it wasn’t for Christopher Columbus, pumpkins wouldn’t be associated with this time of year because Thanksgiving wouldn’t exist, the Internet likely wouldn’t exist because the USA wouldn’t exist in its current state, and football wouldn’t exist, thus rendering the majority of Sam Ponder, Big Cat and PFT’s takes meaningless. Something to ponder.
SUSPECT #2 – Tom Brady’s son Benjamin
For those who don’t know, one of Barstool’s first controversies centered around a Portnoy blog about the size of Tom Brady’s infant child’s penis. Without this controversy, Barstool would likely not be as big as it is today, and they wouldn’t have been able to hire PFT Commenter. If it wasn’t for Benjamin Brady, Pardon My Take wouldn’t exist and this entire controversy would have never happened. Stay woke.
SUSPECT #3 – Emperor Go-Yōzei
Emperor Go-Yōzei oversaw Japan during the era when goldfish were first considered to be pets. Without Go, Pardon My Take would have never even considered implementing Larry The Gambling Goldfish into their program, a move that vaulted the popularity of their podcast into a never before seen realm. I feel comfortable saying that if the concept of goldfish as pets never existed, ESPN would have never greenlit Barstool Van Talk.
SUSPECT #4 – Henry Ford
Consider this: without the invention of the automobile, PFT and Big Cat would have never been able to purchase Vanny Woodhead, their van that they use to travel the country and conduct interviews. The van seems to be a big reason why ESPN even considered working with Barstool in the first place. If the automobile had never been invented, Barstool Van Talk would have never existed.
SUSPECT #5 – Walt Disney
As many of you know, Disney owns ESPN. This fact directly influences nearly all of ESPN’s controversies. Walt Disney was a wonderful man, if you ignore the fact that he was a documented anti-Semite, racist and sexist. So, if you ignore the fact that the Disney corporation, and therefore ESPN, was founded on wildly offensive views and power structures, then ESPN’s decision to cancel Barstool Van Talk makes sense. If Walt had never sketched Mickey Mouse, belittled women and made racists remarks, Barstool Van Talk would have never existed. Facts are facts.
I hope this has been helpful, I’m here to provide you the facts, not make accusations. So, who do you think is to blame for Barstool Van Talk getting cancelled? Make your pick in the comments.