By: Alex Marcheschi
I’ll be honest, before this World Series started, I didn’t give a rat’s behind about it. Not even one rat’s behind. I was of the mindset that you couldn’t pay me to care about the Astros and Dodgers.
But now, I want to go trick or treating for it. I want to go door to door and ask my neighbors for more World Series games. I want to fill my satchel full of World Series baseball games and binge eat them with my door locked while the final two minutes of “Killing In The Name” blares on repeat in the background. This series won’t follow the rules, it is the angsty teen of World Series. I love everything about it.
I love that the baseballs seem to be made out of some sort of Flubber-esque material….
I love that Puig catches pop ups in the World Series with the same enthusiasm one shows as they toss a cigarette butt out the window, I love that Jose Altuve walks around the base path with the swagger of one million princes after he yokes the shit out of the ball and I love that a lot of the Astros pitchers look like bass players who get smacked off Bulleit every night.
MLB baseball is like my fifth favorite sport if we’re counting both professional and collegiate forms of basketball and football, but I have to admit that this World Series has been the purest form of sports suspense mine eyes have ever seen. I truly don’t even care who wins, but I’m extremely invested in every single pitch. I think it’s because this series feels like a movie that was written by someone who speaks broken English as they were coming down from a bath salt high.
The Dodgers both blew a four run lead and came back from a three run deficit in one game last night. That’s some torturous stuff, I still can’t figure out if I even liked last night’s game or if I just liked feeling the pain of it. Kind of like Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. I’m genuinely not sure how Dave Roberts is alive right now. Speaking of, I think I’m rooting for the Dodgers simply because of how cool Dave Roberts was when he stole that base for the Red Sox in 2004.
Balls of steel. Big time. Something tells me the Dodgers will still win this series. Guys with nuts that big don’t lose. It’s science. But, then again, I’ve never seen a team stunt as hard in the opposition’s face as the Astros do. They just straight up dance and pump up the crowd on the field after they blast taters. Never really seen anything like it.
Mix in a little racial tension, two areas ravaged by natural disaster coming together to root on their boys and a handful of ace pitchers and you have yourself the baseball equivalent of jungle juice. Strap in folks, we’re in the midst of a bender and I don’t see it ending before seven games.