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Dugs’ Week One NFL Review

By: Tyler Dugan

“I’m back bitches.” Is there any better sight in sports than Scott Hanson on brisk Sunday afternoon? When that first quad box gets put on the screen i can feel my pants get a little tighter. The Redzone channel is an undervalued genius move that the NFL did. I don’t even remember how I watched football before Redzone, I mean obviously i watch the Bengals straight thru, but on my side TV, nothing but Redzone. Its beautiful. Lets recap week 1.


Bengals Colts

This started about as bad as it can get. Price gets bulldozed, Dalton floats one, picked. All of Cincinnati sighed. The officiating was ridiculous to say the least. I don’t even really know if it was bad, but the rules just don’t make sense and their is zero consistency. I thought that the Shawn Williams ejection was warranted, to me it was unnecessary to make that hit, move on and walk away. The Dunlap sacks is just a ridiculous rule, its all because Rodgers through a mini bitch fit last year when he got thrown into the ground and snapped his collar bone, but its a rule, Carlos knows the rule, he has to try to avoid it. We just can’t keep bitching about the rule, at the end of the day, its a rule, change your style or you will get called. Unless you are Margus Hunt, who did the same exact thing to Dalton and there was nothing. The refs need to be consistent. Personally though, I thought the worst call of the day was on William Jackson targeting, it didn’t matter because TY already scored, but it was AWFUL. He literally didn’t even hit the guy. Then 2 plays later AJ caught a screen, got dragged to the ground, smacked in the head, nothing. It was just extremely inconsistent, and it too often went against the Bengals. Outside of that the offense really shot them in the foot a couple times. It seemed whenever something was happening we had a holding, or AJ fumbled. Was just a really frustrating first half. After that, our fearless red headed leader fired up the gang. He hooked up with JOHN ROSS (EEEKKKK) for 6 at the end of the half. He threw a dime to AJ long for 6. Then he lead the offense to 17-0 shutout in the 4th quarter. It would be insane of me to not mention Joe Mixon playing like a man a possessed. My man runs HARD. It is hard to not like watching him run. It ended with big play clay forcing yet again another TO. That is going to be the MO of this defense. They are going to bend at certain parts, but they are going to take risks, and they are going to force turnovers. Luck did a great job taking our pass rush out of the game with quick passes, the Bengals had to adjust. It wasn’t our prettiest game, but it worked. A win is a win, and its important to get one early on vs a team that will be in the wild card hunt.

P.S. If you haven’t watched Andrew Lucks postgame press

Saints Bucs

Listen, this game was fixed. There is just zero explanation for this. RYAN FITZPATRICK. I’m not sure what Tampa’s over under win total was but it couldn’t have been more than 4. They are supposed to be AWFUL. They have a 36 year old Harvard grad going into the Super dome. Get out of town. The saints defense wasn’t even trying, and the defense was good last year. You are telling me they just forgot how to play football? Cmon. Oh and then there is this:


For those of you who aren’t familiar with gambling lines and what not. Let me explain. Out of all the bets placed on the Saints-Bucs game on the spread (-10) 76(!)% went on the Saints. Then if you scroll down to the money line (which just means you are betting who is winning the game) 70% of this games money line bets went on the saints at -310. That means you are risking $31 to win $10. Of course the Bucs would win outright. This doesn’t even mention how many teaser the saints were involved in. Vegas raked in money on this game, and it’s because it’s rigged.
Vikings 49ers
The Vikings are really really talented. It’s hard to not look at this team and think they aren’t the super bowl favorite out of the NFC. But this was more about the 9ers. They looked BAD, and it was shocking. A lot of people liked the 9ers going into this year, I fell off immediately when I saw Jimmy G go out on a date with a pornstar. It has nothing to do with the pornstar title, it’s the fact that she wasn’t a hot pornstar. I’m big on your QB has to have the great confidence, great charisma, and all that jazz. If Jimmy G is slinging around an ugly girlfriend what does that say about his mindset. My guy should be reaching for the best. Jimmy G is probably the best looking guy in the league, he needs to be doing better. QBs must have a hot girlfriend. It’s a law. It says a lot about his bar of expectations. Out on Jimmy G.
Patriots Texans
Well oiled machine. I didn’t see much of this game, but Brady and Gronk are just too damn good. Watching Gronk spike a ball is one of the best thing in sports, has so much passion in it.
Dolphins Titans
The ole 7 hour game. I just don’t understand how retractable roofs are not mandatory for every stadium. The NFL brings in billions of dollars every year. Retractable roofs need to become mandatory, and they only get used in severe weather like this. If it’s cold and snowing in Green Bay? Keep it open, that’s what we want. But if my quarterback is going to get struck by lightning when dropping back to pass, lets close the roof up.
Denver Seattle.
Did everyone know Brandon Marshall was in Seattle? I was lost it when I saw him catch a tuddie. I love Denver this year, I love that pass rush, I think Case Keenum is the perfect QB to play in Denver.
Ravens Bills
Ass kicking. The Bills might be the worst football team of all time. Throw out the record books, i don’t care even if they somehow squeak out a game. They just gave up 50 points to Joe Flacco in a monsoon, that’s awful.
Steelers Browns
I love ties. I love how unsatisfying the ending is. We had Browns fans not sure if they want to go nuts or be disappointed. That stat of this being their best start since 2004 is an all timer. THEY HAVENT WON THEIR FIRST GAME OF THE YEAR SINCE 2004. Cmon, that is just downright ridiculous. The Steelers looked like a mess, which is exactly what we want.
Giants Jags
This game was never on Redzone. Probably because their was 0 red zone opportunities. Saquans run was beast like. I love the way he runs. I honestly think he is a sure fire hall of famer. I know it’s one game, but the guy is a freak show. Im not worried about the Giants.
Cheifs Chargers
Tyreek Hill is the most exciting player in football. He is in his own realm of speed. Watching him go 0-60 is unbelievable. He plays the game so special. We had peak Phillip Rivers here as well. Down 16 late in the game trying to engineer a comeback that ends with a pick in the red zone. Football is back. Also, the chargers stadium/fans situation is wild. There was significantly more cheifs fans at that game. Chargers need to move back.
Bears Packers
Oh my god Aaron Rodgers?! I’m gonna act like Skip Bayless on this but let’s all relax. Rodgers is great. He makes throws that are out of this world. But he totally Paul Pierced this injury, exchange the cart for a wheel chair and it’s the same thing. People are saying this is his best game? Are we forgetting that show he put on in Dallas in the playoffs 2 years ago? Come on. He played a decent game, but he overreacted to an injury and made a couple great throws. Rodgers is great but this wasn’t the most special thing I have ever seen. He was also high as a MFer after the game. Woooo baby.
Until next week.

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