10. The Ocean – The ocean is simply wonderful, it has many different noises itself, but my favorite is the early morning ocean. The air is a little heavy, you can feel a little mist situation going on and the noise sounds like you’re in the middle of the earth’s dishwasher. I also love the sound of old dishwashers that sound like at any given moment the door could fling open and flood your house.
9. “Provider” by Frank Ocean – Just a perfectly soothing song. Two Oceans coming out the gate strong. “Provider” is one of those great songs where it doesn’t even matter if you’re not sure what the song is about, it just feels good. I’ve listened to this song when I need to calm down many times.
8. Espresso machine – Nothing can make you feel like a comfortably wealthy European business man like the sound of an espresso machine in action. Leaning back in a leather chair while the espresso machine gets to work is just about the most relaxing thing a professional human can do.
7. Wyoming at night – This is specific, but if you’ve ever been to a ranch in Wyoming, the evening is immaculate. The sound of heavy silence mixed in with the occasional howl of a wolf or rustle of a bush is enough to make you feel like you’re in a Clint Eastwood movie. Mix in the noise of a random little creature being murdered by a predator and you’re experiencing life in it’s purest form baby.
6. A problem that you know isn’t your responsibility – There’s something very soothing about hearing a problem that isn’t your problem happening. A kid crying in the store? Dog on a leash barking? Someone at work with an angry customer on the phone? The best. Not my noise, not my problem.
5. Thunderstorm – A bad thunderstorm works in the perfect amount of fear and vulnerability to make you sit back and accept what’s about to happen. The crack of the lighting, sound of the rain pounding the ground and obviously the star of the show – thunder. Thunder steals the show every time, such an attention whore. The best thunders are the ones you can feel.
4. Powerful rushing water – This doesn’t have to be anything crazy. I picture a borderline dangerous creek after some heavy rainfall. There’s something about the sound of water rushing that makes you feel like a young member of Lewis and Clark’s entourage. The west has yet to be discovered and you’re on the forefront of a new world.
3. The shower warming up – I like to let the shower warm up every morning as I finish a cup of coffee. It provides a moment of respite between your cup of mud and the day beginning. Time stands still while the shower warms up, nothing matters.
2. A busy, well run McDonalds in the morning – There’s something about a well managed McDonalds during a busy morning rush. Orders coming in consistently, dinging noises, frying noises, muffled conversation, laughing children, senior citizens talking about the local elections…it all creates a perfect storm of noises. Give me an air mattress and I could sleep like a baby in a busy McDonalds during the breakfast shift.
1. Bonfire – The crackling Bonfire is the Muhammad Ali of noises. As Ali once said, “I’m not the greatest, I’m the double greatest.” The bonfire could say the same. There’s an element of the bonfire noise that is similar to the thunderstorm. There’s something oddly peaceful about a noise that could potentially kill you, but likely won’t. The consistent crackle with the occasional loud pop is simply the best.