The Cincinnati Bengals Can Rightfully Claim Their Prize: Joe Burrow
By: Alex Marcheschi
This was the greatest Bengals season of my adult life. I can’t tell you how comforting it was to absolutely embrace losing and welcome it without open arms after week four. I’m a Joe Burrow stan, dating back to his days at Athens High School, and the Bengals going 0-4 lined up perfectly with Burrow ascending to the top of the college football world. It became clear that he was going to be the number one pick in the 2020 NFL Draft, and I knew we had a shot at it.
As a staunch hater of the Brown family, nothing tasted sweeter than seeing loss after loss pile up, the stadium getting emptier and emptier each time we accrued another L. It was a free year to suck, Marvin was finally gone and Zac Taylor was just getting his gills wet. AJ Green took the year off, Andy continued to suck, we even benched him for a brief moment. Kirkpatrick continued to play DB like a set of old western saloon doors and the pick sixes rained down from heaven like a monsoon. The Jets win was scary as it temporarily posed as a threat to the #1 pick, and Dalton tried to win the Miami game as much as he possibly could to fend off Burrow, but God had our back. Then, once the pick was sealed, we spanked Cleveland to end the season.
Honestly, could it have gone any better? Now all we have to do is sit back until the greatest college quarterback of all time falls into our lap. Joe Burrow, a player that truly looks like a hybrid of Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady, will be commandeering the locker room at Paul Brown stadium and airing out the pigskin in an explosive display that will rival the WEBN fireworks. I could not be happier.
I would like to give a huge thank you to Andy Dalton and Zac Taylor. I can only assume that Zac was purposely making terrible decisions in order to land Burrow, and Andy’s pick sixes were such a huge help. Without those two, none of this would be possible. Seeing Burrow absolutely dominate Oklahoma and Clemson after winning the Heisman was euphoric. He feels as “can’t miss” as any college player ever. Obviously shit could go wildly off the rails, because don’t forget we are the Bengals, but for now, in this very moment, nothing could be better.
Joey Burrow will be in stripes next year. Pinch me.